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Common App Prompt - Describe a place or environment (Sunsetting Desert)


chris4017 1 / -  
Dec 1, 2013   #1
Common App Prompt 4
Describe a place or environment where you are perfectly content. What do you do or experience there, and why is it meaningful to you?

(This is only the first draft of the opening part of my essay. I wonder if the tone and the grammar is appropriate :/ It will be extremely helpful if someone can critique on this! Thank you :D)

Pink clouds in cerulean blue. The desert seduced me with its soft touch on my bare feet as I gazed up. Heat in the air started to cool down as the blazing sunlight faded into the evening. I lay down, ignoring the others who were busy taking photos, on the bed of grains of sand and became a part of the scenery. For that short moment, I was able to isolate myself from the apprehension of reality that preoccupied me since the first arrival in Dubai.

After finishing the last year of my primary school, my family moved to Dubai, United Arab Emirates. Along with the excitement, the harsh reality - the language barrier, cultural differences and climate change - challenged me from the day I arrived. Never having lived out of my home country, I felt unprepared to face the challenges that awaited me. However, the environment forced me to take responsibilities. My parents, to whom I relied upon until few days ago, were positioned to rely on my English skill. Being an only child, the burdens from inside and outside of school haunted me throughout the four years spent in Dubai.
RD418 1 / 4  
Dec 1, 2013   #2
I love your opening part of your essay! Everything sounds fine to me. Can't wait to read more. :)


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