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COmmon app essay on diversity from a different perspective

maminat95 1 / 1  
Dec 29, 2011   #1
Hi, this is my common app essay but im not sure wether to put in as topic 5, diversity or as a topic of your choice since it slightly contradicts the diersity prompt. It is still a rough draft, and i think its a bit short. any advic would be appreciated. thank you!

I think I resented being Nigerian as I grew up. On one particular occasion, I remember having a conversation with my fifth grade friends on what they had had for dinner the previous night.

'spaghetti.', friend 1 replied

'Chips and chicken', friend 2 replied

'Oh cool', I responded, thankful they hadn't asked me. I was about to bring up another topic when friend one chirped up again.

'How about you?'

'Uh, I don't even remember, probably chips or something.' I said nervously. The previous night, my mother had forced us to eat a very traditional Nigerian meal of 'pounded yam with egusi sauce' and for some reason I was ashamed of that, despite the fact that both friends are Nigerian.

My childhood wasn't particularly Nigerian. Being Nigerian or growing up in Lagos isn't all that defines me. I can carry a full conversation in French. I've been on four different continents. I can navigate the London underground as well as the next English person. I've been in boarding school in Togo, and I can now hear some French and Togolese sayings popping in to my every day conversations. I've been to three different international schools. I have friends from every continent except Antarctica. All of these experiences have made me - but only a part of me. I guess I got too caught up in all of these aspects that I forgot to appreciate what was 'mine'.

In the young desire to be like everyone else I often found myself hating the very aspects of my life that make me unique. I avoided anything that linked me to my home country or my home town, and rather embraced whatever I considered 'international'. I resented my Arabic lessons, Nigerian meals, outfits and music. I resented trips to the village, in favour of trips abroad. I

When I speak okun, my local Nigerian language, a smile comes across my face, knowing that less than 200000 other people in the world can speak it. The smell of Nigerian food coming from my kitchen is one vie come to love and appreciate. These are the things that make me unique, and fit me into different a special community.

Diversity is obviously very important but you can't contribute to a diverse environment until you appreciate your background.
workinprogress 1 / 12  
Dec 29, 2011   #2
Cool essay I must say.
My critiques:
That is one strong beginning. However, knowing rather than thinking better to know.
What if you also consider using fictional names to make it more personal rather than thing one and thing two?
You could also take out "Being Nigerian or" part (: Also you should consider limiting your uses of I's

very insightful into your culture though, (:

Best of luck!

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