Unanswered [3] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 8

Common App Essay: A Dream with all my Dreams


obituary 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #1
Topic: The different things I aspire to achieve one day.

I am lying on my bed, exhausted after completing my homework and am glad to finally have a chance to relax. I'm thinking about whether doing all this work will actually serve any purpose or am I just doing it for no real reason. Suddenly certain images appear in my head and I become more comfortable by the second. Maybe it's phase one of sleep setting in, I don't know, but whatever it is I allow it to progress.

Suddenly I am wearing a simple but presentable suit and am standing in front of a board full of symbols, letters and alphabets. I am explaining what these symbols represent to the eager minds before me. I am a professor at a top university teaching students and researching what I feel passionate about, and doing so is highly satisfying me. I know that I am helping young individuals secure their futures and pursue their ambitions. I know that I am spreading knowledge. I know that I am spreading something which enriches and enlightens human beings and doing so is allowing me to lead a fulfilling life of my own.

Everything disappears for a while but then another series of images starts to appear. I am now a man being interviewed about a book which I have recently written. I am explaining to the man interviewing me about how I always wanted to preserve my thoughts and emotions in the form of words and how the book I've written does exactly that. I am telling him about how as a young man I was not always articulate and how much of a long way I've come from that. I am telling him about the intellectual satisfaction I gain by writing and how I am happy about the success and positive feedback towards the book. I am a successful writer, writing meaningful and expressive books. This image starts to fade out again and a new and a much more grandiose one starts to appear.

I am now standing on a stage, before a huge audience who is applauding me. I have won a prestigious prize for bringing about an innovation in an academic field. I see my mother shedding tears of joy along with the thrilled faces of my sisters and my close friends. I give an inspirational speech, trying to control my own emotions and get off the stage with something truly valuable in my hands. My mother hugs me and tells me how I have fulfilled her dreams. I am incredibly happy for two reasons. First one is that I have made my mother, someone I dearly love, a happy and proud woman. Second reason is that I have overcome one of my largest fears: Not being able to reach what I am truly capable of.

I finally see myself among a crowd, wearing corpsepaint on my face and a black shirt with the grim reaper on it. I am at a concert of my favorite metal band, banging my head and enjoying every second of it. I still know how to have fun and enjoy life in simple and non-cerebral ways.

I wake up, look at the clock and start thinking about all the different people I had seen myself as. At first I think it is just a dream and it is only in a magical fantasy-land would I be able to achieve what I had dreamed about. However, I then remember that only people who one day had dreams, achieved greatness.

--------------------------

This is pretty much a rough draft and I need your help to edit it and make it better. Comment on it as well.

I'll also happily read yours.

angie127 12 / 49  
Dec 29, 2009   #2
I think it's an interesting approach. You could add how you plan to achieve these dreams to develop the essay more.
dsspann23 - / 2  
Dec 29, 2009   #3
I agree with the comment above me. A more in-depth analysis of why you want to become a professor would really enhance the essay.

Can I have feedback on my essays?
OP obituary 2 / 4  
Dec 29, 2009   #4
Thanks guys. I would think about how I can incorporate that.

Can anyone else comment on it in a little more depth? Maybe make certain editions to it.
keshwa01 - / 8  
Dec 29, 2009   #5
It's interesting, although I might be cautious since it does seem a bit pretentious. Also, show not tell. You keep talking about I'll do this, I'll do that, but how? and why? give me details.
jumoke 1 / 3  
Dec 29, 2009   #6
WELL IT'S INTERESTING BUT YOU HAVE TO ADD SOME PLANES TO IT
OP obituary 2 / 4  
Dec 30, 2009   #7
I guess I'll have to make some mega-edits to it today then.

Anyone else?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 6, 2010   #8
I am lying on my bed, exhausted after completing my homework and am glad to finally have a chance to relax.

Maybe it's just phase one of sleep setting in, or maybe it is __________, but whatever it is I allow it to progress. (now add one more sentence to the end of this first para... a sentence that suggests to the reader something about the main idea of the essay.. something that hints at your main theme that is about to unfold.

:-)


Home / Undergraduate / Common App Essay: A Dream with all my Dreams