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Common App (Elaborate on an Activity - Baseball)

soxfan 2 / 5  
Oct 28, 2009   #1
I was hoping to get some input on whether or not this is a strong elaboration on one of my activities for the Common Application.

Prompt: Please elaborate on one of your activities (150 words or fewer).

Baseball has always been my passion; it has taught me numerous lessons throughout my life, but none more valuable than perseverance. Baseball comes naturally to me, and before high school nothing could have changed my love of the game. My junior year I was told I could remain on JV another year or I could quit. I was dumbfounded; it had never occurred to me that I wouldn't make varsity. I had gone from hoping to make varsity sophomore year to failing to make it junior year. I wavered all night on whether I'd show up for practice the next day, but I remembered the years I had devoted to baseball, and couldn't see myself giving up when I finally faced a little adversity. My passion for the game ultimately lead me to play, and taught me that you must always persevere in the face of adversity. (147 words)

Thank You in advance

jelimj529 1 / 2  
Oct 28, 2009   #2
This is really good. You included an experience and went straight to the point. You didn't beat around the bush. In a sense, you let us get into your head.
srandhawa 10 / 157  
Oct 28, 2009   #3
i like the details but i feel your final point isn't that powerful through your examples when you say all this has allowed me to persevere through adversity. Well that's kind of an obvious point to make, i know its a short essay but try to reveal something less obvious, more subtle but nonetheless as powerful. Still, most of this response is fine.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Oct 31, 2009   #4
I think you need "led" as the past tense of "to lead."


...never occurred to me that I might not make ...

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