Common App: Elaborate on an Activity (Human RIghts Club)

Hello! I'm really anxious about this whole process, and any feedback would be very very much appreciate. Please give me some constructive criticism! Thank you =)

The prompt asks to elaborate on an activity in 150 words or less. This is about 200 so far.

I stood nervously as my peers enter the lunchroom. For weeks I had researched Darfur; I had seen the videos of starving children, hurt Darfuri refugees, and read about burning villages; I had finalized the T-Shirt orders, and printed out the petitions. But now came the hard part: getting the rest of my school to take the time out of their busy schedules to look at these images.

I clicked play on the TV we had set up. Most students kept eating lunch. Yet one girl came up and asked, "What's this?" I excitedly told her about our T-Shirt Sales, and the petition for President Obama to take action against the genocide in Darfur. Soon enough, more students came up to the table to buy T-Shirts. By the end of the day, we had nearly 100 T-Shirt orders, and more than 500 signatures.

Throughout my involvement in Human Rights Club, my goal has been to spread awareness of human rights issues to the student body so that no one will walk out of my high school saying "I didn't do anything because I didn't know about it". Trying to involve my classmates in the larger picture has been one of the most fulfilling experiences in my life.

You can omit the first sentence, and the reader will still understand. Oh no, that is wrong, you should keep it. Can you make it more interesting, though? Make it grab the attention.

...and read about burning villages. I had finalized the t-shirt orders and printed out the petitions.

No need for comma here, and no need to capitalize t-shirt:
I excitedly told her about our t-shirt sales and the...

Most students kept eating lunch, but one girl came up and asked, "What's this?"

Nice! You supported an important cause.