This is an essay I typed in a college english class, and my mom is crazy about it even though I don't really think it's something useable for college apps. I guess I was just wondering if you think that this can be used for the common app or if it is just too much of a story. I would really appreciate comments or suggestions.
There are problems with society; we are spoiled, babied from a young age to keep everything as comfortable as possible. I thought I had my problems, and that I knew what it meant to endure, what pain was. My life was easy, until one day I underwent a major surgery. I was born with an indented chest, otherwise known as Pectus Excavatum. My friends would joke about eating cereal out of the indent and laugh. I didn't think it was funny, to be honest, it hurt. It made me feel small, self conscious. So when I heard of this surgery that could fix my chest I jumped at it.
The Nuss Procedure entails a bar being pulled through your chest guided by a camera then flipping the bar over to literally "pop" the Sternum out. The pain was not unbearable like I thought it would be, but something seemed wrong, the indent didn't look fixed. At my check up, the doctor informed me the bar had moved and I needed to go under the knife again. It took a lot of willpower for me to not cry the whole time he was talking. I stayed strong, and three days later I was back in surgery. This time, they moved the first bar and put a second bar into my chest.
The pain this time was terrible, to the extent that I was actually reluctant to leave the hospital after an entire week. Time went fast once home, and every day brought me closer to being reunited with my passion of basketball. It wasn't a quick process by any means, but I persevered, and it seemed worth it. I could start to play basketball again, and it was even easier to breathe. But it all was taken away again. The second bar apparently migrated into a group of nerves under my arm. The first night I felt the pain come, I didn't sleep at all. I didn't even know the pain I felt was possible, it was so excruciating
Three surgeries and a year and a half later, I still don't think I know what pain is. I don't know what it means to be homeless or live in a household that pushes you in the wrong direction. I don't know what it would be like to live without money, food or shelter. The greatest speaker I've ever heard, Eric Thomas put it best; "Pain is temporary. It may last for a minute, or an hour, or a day, or even a year, but eventually, it will subside, and something else will take its place." And he's right; you have to quit acting spoiled. Actually endure something, for at the end of pain is success, and you will come out a stronger person. I can't even remember the pain from the surgery completely, I would like to say I have been through a lot, but I still don't think I know what pain is.
I think it is a good topic to write about, pain in life and how to endure it... Need better construction for your essay though,but it is only a rough draft, so good job! :)
