for thee common app i have to expand on a extra curricular activity. please edit!
"Today will be a high of 98 degrees, with a heat index of 115 degrees." Oh no, I thought. The weather of the day was the last thing I wanted to hear in the car on the way to my worksite. This summer, I traveled to New Orleans to rebuild houses for victims of hurricane Katrina. From nine to five, my group swung axes, dug dirt, and hung drywall in order to prepare a house that would be habitable for a family. I have to admit, the first day was the worst. Not used to the heat, or the work for that matter, I felt like I wanted to give up and fly home that day. However, after personally meeting some families and visiting different run-down neighborhoods, it really opened my eyes. I never knew how bad the damage was, and still is. I feel grateful for all that I have and look for new opportunities to help more in New Orleans.
Really good experience to write about!!
Just a few grammar mistakes::
"From nine to five, my group swung axes, dug dirt, and hung drywall..."
Change to: From nine to five my group swung axes, dug dirt and hung drywall in order to prepare a house that would be habitable for a family.
"Not used to the heat, or the work for that matter..."
Change to: Not being used to the heat or the work for that matter...
I hope these help and good luck with your admissions!!!
Use an action verb at the start, here:
"Today's temperatures will reach a high of 98 degrees with a heat index of 115 degrees." Oh no, I thought. A prediction of a particularly hot day was the last ...
I think this really needs parenthesis:
I never knew how bad the damage was (and still is).
I feel grateful for all that I have and look for new opportunities to help more in New Orleans.--- this last sentence is sort of dull! Sorry to say...
:-) But I bet you can come up with a good one to replace it.
thank you for all your comments!!
