common app essay #1 Experience that impacts you "he who hesitates is lost"

Evaluate a significant experience that has impacted you

"Our Son passed away on 3/22. Please come to his funerals on 3/26 to say last farewell. Williams Funeral, 5628 Broadway at W232st Bronx 10463.3-7pm.-Nick's Mom and Dad"

Nikolay Sharavara committed suicide in March of last year. I was in my classroom when I heard about the horrific turn of events. At first I thought of it as merely a joke played by my humorous friends but I quickly realized that this was no laughing matter. I had known Nick since elementary school. As soon as we first introduced ourselves and had our first conversation, I knew that we were going to be friends. We both had our Russian heritage in common so that also brought unity amongst us. .

His impact on me was there since the beginning. He always stayed true to morals and so did I. He always lived by two interesting quotes; "He who hesitates is lost", and "Destiny is no matter of chance. It is a matter of choice: It is not a thing to be waited for, it is a thing to be achieved". He always reiterated these two ideals to me and only after his death did the meaning of these quotes really hit me. He committed suicide because he was experimenting with drugs and he took it way to far. To be honest he gave in to peer pressure and became an addict. When he started doing the drugs, we slowly would lose contact. After a few weeks of not talking to him, I met him on the street and he looked horrible. These drugs over took him and it looked like there was no coming back. I urged him to stop and drugs is not the way to go. I offered help any which way I could but he gave me the fake smile. He killed himself without a cause. It makes me very mad because he didn't see what life had to offer. Since I can remember I always had the will power and dedication to succeed. I've received medals and honors in sports, honors in academics and any obstacle I faced I overcame. That is why I live by these quotes now and it feels like whenever these sayings come to mind so does he. Since his death, I have really appreciated life and the people on it, I have really gotten to love some subjects in school(don't get me wrong I am a good student just never had a situation where a subject stood out to me and I have grasped it)and basically buckled down and did work. Through this experience I have matured and realized to not take anything for granted. Nick's impact on me will stay with me for a very long time. Now I realize that to achieve your destiny is a very hard road to overcome and that you must have the will power to break through any obstacles you may face along the way. I hope in years to come I will continue to cherish the memories we shared. He once told me and I quote, "When you are aware of the value of every person or event, just because of their sheer realness, then you can appreciate life."

Hey, those are some great corrections Anita, thanks for the time you spent on this.


We had the Russian thing going... this is a cool sentence; I like it, but for this essay it should be a little clearer. We both had our Russian heritage in common...

And also... you become redundant saying over and over how long you were friends. Instead of using three different sentences to assert how long you were friends, use one of those sentences to tell some of the ways he inspired or helped you.

Again, that last sentence of the first para asserts that you always stayed in contact.. it is too much mention of how long you were friends. Use the last sentence of the first paragraph to tell the essay's main idea -- the main theme!

That quote that you end with... try putting it in the first paragraph somewhere... and then end both the first and last paragraph with the same theme. what is the theme, the moral of the story?

I'm sorry for your loss.