Unanswered [0] / Urgent [0] / SERVICES
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 3

Common App Extracurricular Activity: "Eagle Scout Project" (editing, suggestions...)


Chocogrease 2 / 3  
Oct 22, 2010   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (150 words or fewer).

For my Boy Scout Eagle Project, I wanted to do something that would positively benefit the entire community, but at the same time have a lasting impact afterwards. Working with the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department at Industry Station, I initiated a Community Awareness Program for my community. My project consisted of creating and distributing pamphlets that contain a variety of safety resource contacts for students and families. I also took the opportunity to promote the Sheriff's Department's new community text messaging alert system called Nixle. Communicating daily with educational, police, and government administrators, and organizing Boy Scouts together to disseminate pamphlets throughout the community was a stressful, yet fresh and invaluable experience. When I began my project, I wanted to do something positive and lasting for the community. Instead, I also did something positive and lasting for myself: I acquired the priceless experiences of management, leadership, and communication.

victoriayu 2 / 3  
Oct 22, 2010   #2
the project sounds good and the essay is very nice!
one suggestion: you can add the community's feedback of your project which will be more convinced
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,365 129  
Oct 26, 2010   #3
but at the same time

I think this phrase should be replaced by "and also." There is no reason to suppose that a beneficial influence would not last a long time, so don't talk about it as though it is somehow unlikely that you could do something of lasting benefit. I think "and also" works just fine...

Oh, I like the end! alright, how about if we get rid of the sentence at the beginning that I don't like:
For my Boy Scout Eagle Project, I wanted to do something that would positively benefit the entire community, but at the same time have a lasting impact afterwards. Working worked with the Los Angeles Sheriff's Department at Industry Station to initiate a Community Awareness Program. for my community.

:-)

Then, at the end of the essay you will not be repeating yourself about wanting to have a lasting benefit, etc.
I like the ending a lot...


Home / Undergraduate / Common App Extracurricular Activity: "Eagle Scout Project" (editing, suggestions...)