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Common App extracurricular essay - hospital volunteer


shl348 1 / 1  
Nov 3, 2012   #1
Please briefly elaborate on one of your extracurricular activities or work experiences in the space below (1000 character maximum).

Every Sunday, I can be found in the halls of ______ Hospital. What had started as a means of gaining insight into the medical world became one of the most meaningful experiences I have had in high school. I volunteer in the transport department, completing tasks such as running samples to the lab or discharging patients. From the pristine silence of the maternity ward to the hectic buzz in the emergency room, each unit has its own characteristics, yet the entire hospital functions just as effectively as one unit. It has become clear to me that the human interactions among the individuals in the hospital are what allows for the smooth running of the hospital. With every "thank you" from the patients or staff, I have learned how valuable the smallest contributions are. I have grown comfortable with chatting with the patients and accepting the silence that is often necessary. Over the years, I have become fully immersed in a large community and ready to immerse myself into many others.

Any feedback would be great! Right now it's at 999 characters.
dumi 1 / 6,925 1592  
Nov 3, 2012   #2
Every Sunday, I can be found in the halls of ______ Hospital. What had started as a means of gaining insight into the medical world became one of the most meaningful experiences I have had in high school.

I feel you should establish a link between these two sentences to arrange your flow of ideas.
E.g. Every Sunday, I can be found in the halls of ______ Hospital, the place that provided me with a great insight into the medical world.

I volunteer in the transport department, completing tasks such as running samples to the lab or discharging patients.

.... this is all what you talk explicitly about your experience. Why not consume another sentence to elaborate the work you did? I feel it's important and worth trying.

Anyways... it's well written. GOOD LUCK!


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