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Common App #2: Failure - I am well-versed in the poetry of orchestra


angeli6778 11 / 36 16  
Dec 28, 2016   #1
Please give me brutally honest feedback, grammar and content-wise.
The lessons we take from failure can be fundamental to later success. Recount an incident or time when you experienced failure. How did it affect you, and what did you learn from the experience?

the poetry of orchestra



I am well-versed in the poetry of orchestra, from the Italian adjectives in sheet music, to the syntax of pre-concert bustle and antics, to the iambic beats of my heart moments before beginning a performance. Until freshman year, I had been living in the smooth allegro pace of a concerto's first movement. I was chosen for the advanced orchestra in middle school, sat second-in-command of the first violins, and won regional awards. Buoyed by these easy accomplishments, I grew accustomed to the melody of success. However, after I auditioned a solo for an all-state orchestra, a dissonant tritone interval jarred my confidence. I didn't make it; I scored two points below the cut-off. Even more humiliatingly, because of my previously unchallenged path, failure never even crossed my mind.

Yet worst of all was that I had practiced a lot, just not enough. The judges didn't care about all the points I did get, only the two that I didn't. The tritone is just a half-step shy of the melodic perfect fifth, and in missing that small gap between mediocrity and achievement, I had rendered useless all that I did do. This revelation began the adagio of introspection. I thoroughly examined my orchestra experiences and came to the damning realization that my proudest moments and the reasons I loved orchestra all came from being part of a bigger ensemble. From chamber quartets to symphonies with full orchestras, I was piggybacking off of the collective talent of my friends and peers. When my own ability was put to the test, with no one else to rely on for tricky rhythms or to muffle my imperfect pitch, my fraudulence was exposed. Not making all-state was only a minor blow; the true defeat was that I had deceived and failed myself.

To force the spotlight upon my innermost thoughts and examine my own psyche like this was daunting, but it granted me a broader view of my own motives and aspirations. I had lost sight of what it took to attain and keep my spot among other elite musicians, and this piercing self-analysis renewed my mindset and determination.

Months later, auditions for my school's symphonic orchestra were announced. This was the first test of my reformation, and this time, I would not negate the ninety-nine percent of effort I already put in by becoming complacent and leaving the last one percent up to chance. Every extra minute I practiced brought me closer to those two points, to resolving the dissonant chord and achieving a satisfying harmony. At night, my fingers played a phantom melody as I listened to the audition piece, Berlioz's "March to the Scaffold," until I fell asleep (it's really more relaxing than the name suggests). When the audition results were posted, I scanned the list apprehensively, vaguely aware of the other students crowded around me, nervous energy building and inferiority complex already rising up again, and then--!

Catharsis.

Making symphony was like being struck by lightning. It jump-started the energetic presto movement and awakened a hunger for achievement, especially when I found out my score was the highest of the five violinists chosen. I had never known what all-consuming hard work could grant me, and this realization of untapped potential thrilled me.

Like a concerto's theme and variations, the specifics of the all-state audition have faded, but the lyrical refrain of the wisdom I acquired endures in my being like muscle memory. To me, achieving success is not for recognition nor reputation, but something I owe myself. Introspection has become essential for me to critically assess my thought processes and actions with clarity, to block out background noise and elevate my mental focus. I have gained the work ethic and self-confidence to play the cadenza, the virtuosic ending of a solo that cuts through the silence in self-affirmation and anticipation of exponential improvement in the future.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Dec 28, 2016   #2
Angela, this is a well written essay and is easily understandable for people with a musical background I myself have a history in Piano so I easily understood the technical terms that you used. That is where my worry lies with regards to your essay. Are you aiming to be admitted to music school? The reason I ask is because this essay, while interesting, relevant, and applicable to the prompt, uses one too many technical terms which, to the untrained reviewer may come across as boring in terms of topic and somewhat snobbish of you as an applicant. Isn't there a less technical failure that you can share with the reviewer? This is just a concern that I have. However, if you are comfortable with this essay and you are confident that it will be read by music background reviewers, then go ahead and use this essay without any corrections. The work is fine.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Dec 30, 2016   #3
Angela, how many words are you allowed for the completion of this essay? It seems to be rambling on a bit too long and sadly, starts to get a bit heavy and cumbersome to read. While the presentation is very literary in approach, it feels like it takes way too long to get to the point. That is why I am asking about the word count. I have some ideas as to how to improve the essay in terms of content and length, but I need to know what your maximum word count is first. Then I can make proper suggestions as to where we might be able to make deletions and edits in the essay. I am looking at making some changes to the earlier part of the essay because that is where the information tends to drag. I will be awaiting your response. I hope that we can work together for the further improvement of your essay.
OP angeli6778 11 / 36 16  
Dec 30, 2016   #4
@Holt
The limit is 650 words, and I am at 648 currently. So did you like the original version better?
khatanbuuveibold 4 / 8 2  
Dec 30, 2016   #5
@angeli6778
You do a good job of expressing your passion for music, but the essay is stretched too thin. The more concise and straight-to-the-point an essay is, the better.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Dec 30, 2016   #6
Neither version is better. Both are too wordy and do not respond to the prompt directly enough for the reviewer to remain interested in what you have to say. Change the topic. Don't use the orchestra. Pick a simpler topic that everyone can understand. Your response should not be technical based as that requires a specific type of training to help one understand what you have to say. In this case, you are beating around the bush too much and not really saying anything that the reviewer can take as a response to the prompt. Don't make him analyze your essay for a response. Try to present your story within 5 paragraphs. Not in a mini novel like you have written here. This essay doesn't work for the purpose it was developed. It would be best if you wrote a new one that has a different failure and success lesson focus. That new essay might work better for the prompt.
OP angeli6778 11 / 36 16  
Dec 30, 2016   #7
@Holt
I don't think I have time to write a whole new essay as this is due in 2 days, but I think if I remove the references to the intervals my point might become clearer. Could you help me understand how I'm beating around the bush? What I learned from this failure is 1. to not waste the effort I already put in by becoming complacent with myself and 2. introspection is a critical tool in helping me stay on track and constantly improve myself. How could I edit this essay to make those points more obvious?
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4772  
Dec 30, 2016   #8
The essay should be as simple as this:

When I was in middle school, I had the chance to become part of the school orchestra as the second in command of first violins. I was a pretty good violinist who had won regional awards for my playing skills. My success as an amateur violinist made me cocky and over confident. So I tried out for a slot in the all-state orchestra. Confident that my skills were worthy of state level attention. All it took was one audition piece for me to realize that I wasn't worthy of the level of attention that I sought. I did not get accepted into the orchestra. I was devastated. I was humiliated by my loss because I had already bragged about how the audition going to be a piece of cake for me. Failure did not occur to me because I was confident that my path towards the seat in the orchestra would remain unchallenged. Little did I know that this was nothing close to the reality of my playing skills.

I lost because I had made a mistake while playing during the audition. My over confidence proved to be my downfall as I lost the slot based on the 2 mistakes that I made during an almost perfect audition. I had failed myself because I believed too much in my own publicity. I refused to accept the failure. I knew I could do better. So I challenged myself to get over my failure and deliver a successful performance at a lower level than a state orchestra.

After months of pushing myself to face my failure by developing a better playing style, I was accepted into my school's symphony orchestra. Like musical variations...


All you have to do is simplify the presentation like I did above. The ellipses show where the remaining original and applicable information from your essay should be placed in the essay. Please use my sample as a template for your revision. That is the best example that you can use for better developing your essay response.


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