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Common App Essay ("The final decision was based on me.")


akashnegi 8 / 23  
Jan 1, 2009   #1
Hello Everybody..

below is my response to the topic of your choice option of the essay ...

PLEASE .. help by diting it .. only 2 hours left>>... HELP

ThAnkS... and happy new YEAR!!!

The final decision was based on me. I would shape my future by making a decision myself. Having lived in India for sixteen years, it was not easy for me to make a decision to move to the U.S. within the next few days. "Should I go or not?", was the question in my mind during the last few days of my stay in India. Some serious thinking was required in making a decision. If I accept my dad's proposal of moving to the U.S. for higher studies, wouldn't I miss all my family members and friends with whom I spent sixteen years of my life? And if I don't accept the proposal, would I be missing the opportunity of the best education in the world?

I was tired of thinking and was totally confused. I picked up the phone and dialed my dad's phone number in the U.S. who works for the United Nations in New York. He picked it up and I asked him, "What would have you done if you were in my place?" "I would never have missed such an opportunity, I would have accepted the proposal and without any second thought would have moved to the U.S." was the reply from the other side. I hung up the phone and sat down with my hands on my head. A sense of panic crept in my mind and I felt like I was missing something. After being in the same position for more than a minute, I quickly grabbed the phone again and pressed the redial button. He picked up the phone on the other side. I said," If you would have accepted the proposal then I am ready for the move, I am coming" and within a second all that feeling of panic vanished. I felt very light and I myself didn't know what forced me to say "yes" in that minute. I felt very relieved and I informed everybody in the house of the final verdict. Now my mom had no choice, she had to move to the U.S. with my sister. They were reluctant to leave their home initially and left the decision on me.

Everybody was sad because we were to leave in a few days, but at the same time, they were happy that for the first time someone from their family would be pursuing higher education abroad. They had tears in their eyes and tons of hopes for me in their hearts. Those few days passed quickly. Finally, came the date of our departure, August 27th, 2007. Everybody from the family came to drop us at New Delhi airport. With a heavy heart we proceeded towards the terminal and boarded the plane. The whole world changed for all of us, the minute my flight took off. They would miss Akash who was everybody's star and I would miss the love and guidance at every step from the elders in the family. Those twenty long hours in the plane were full of sadness but I accepted the reality with a brave heart and finally landed in the U.S.

Settling down at home and school was quick. Now I had the advantage of my father's guidance which I had been missing in India. My parents had always wanted me to aim high and do something big. I am burning mid night's oil these days to be the ideal son of my parents. I am missing the love of my grandparents but fully know "We have to lose something to achieve something". I am hopeful that I would always cherish my decision.

THANKS FOR THE HELP...
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 2, 2009   #2
"The final decision was based on me. I would shape my future by making a decision myself. Having lived in India for sixteen years, it was not easy for me to make a decision to move to the U.S. within the next few days." You might want to just cut this and start from "Should I go or not?"

You might want to mention other factors that played into your decision, rather than making it seem as if you simply took your father's advice without taking much time for reflection.

Grammatically, you should make sure you use the right tenses. So, for instance:

"If I accepted my dad's proposal of moving to the U.S. for higher studies, wouldn't I miss all my family members and friends with whom I had spent sixteen years of my life?"

"I am hopeful that I will always cherish my decision."
OP akashnegi 8 / 23  
Jan 2, 2009   #3
thanks for the help... I actually submited that ..

Thanks and Happy new year..


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