Please help me to take a look. I am really bad in writing. Give me comments on the struture, grammar, and wording. Since i am not a native English speaker, i might use wrong wording. Any part is unclear, please tell me and why.
Plus which prompt is my essay belongs to?
-Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you
-Topic of your choice curriculum
It has been six years since I came to United States. The American culture in New York was not as easy as I thought. As an American new comer, I struggled with learning English and adapting to a new environment. With limited English skill, it was difficult to communicate with others. I had a hard time making new friends and I isolated myself from other students. From the fear of not being able to provide a better life for my mom, I forced myself to learn a whole new language and during this process I gained independence and confidence.
In school, I was put into a bilingual class. My cousin said it was a "dumb" class.
On my first day, everything seemed strange to me and I was scared, I wanted to go back to the school in my country. I did not understand a word the teacher said or other students. I was disappointed in myself, all I can do is look around and copy down the notes from the board. I thought about giving up; however, when I think about how hard my mom works, it just encourages me to work as hard. I want to provide a better life for her in the future.
I flipped through the pages of the textbook. To me, the text were nonsense. How can I possibly do homework when I can not understand anything! I felt an eager to ask my cousin for help, but I did not want to rely on her. With my electronic dictionary's help, I could pronounce these gibberish words and understand what they mean. Slowly, English was not gibberish to me anymore, it was a language.
"Student Honor Award presented to XinXin He!" the principal said. I hurried up the stage and shook my hand with the principal. My ELL teacher came out and congratulated me and said "This is the reward to our hard work and contribution for three years in Cunningham." I was more than surprised, and I was proud of myself for once. I had tears dangling in my eyes. As I walked off the stage I saw my mom, she had a big smile on her face. My mother did not say anything; but I knew she was proud of me. From receiving this award, I believed that with hard work, anything was possible. Now I wanted more than just being an average student, I wanted to be remarkable. In the eleventh grade, I joined the SWAT team to tutor students who needed help in math. I could not only speak English now, but explain ideas clearly to the others.
Today, others can understand what I am trying to say clearly. I was able to not only adapt to a society which I found hard, but learn many. I also made friends from classes and "friends" like ambition and responsibility. The taciturn person had changed to one being confident and outspoken. Challenging myself and tacking obstacles became part of my interest. For this reason, I joined the Senior Math Team and Virtual Enterprise. After years of hard work and experiences, I am ready to go on. Yes, I am ready to go onto college and build a future.
Cjhange "It has been six years since I came to United States" to Six years have passed; it's bad to use "it's been"
It's quite a nice esssay, succinct, and really not that bad
=] Good luck with it
in my opinion its pretty good but there's quite a bit of repetition:
the idea that you didn't understand english at first is repeated:
To me, the text were nonsense. How can I possibly do homework when I can not understand anything! I felt an eager to ask my cousin for help, but I did not want to rely on her. With my electronic dictionary's help, I could pronounce these gibberish words and understand what they mean. Slowly, English was not gibberish to me anymore, it was a language.
also
I can not only speak English now, but also explain ideas clearly to the others.
also maybe clarify which country you came from
"I was able to not only adapt to a society which I found hard, but learn many."
maybe change to
i was not only able to adapt to an society that I was unaccustomed with, but also teach? many.
i'm not sure if you're looking for the verb teach..but "learn many" doesn't sound right...
hope it helps:]
Adapting to American culture in New York was not as easy as I thought it would be .
On my first day, everything seemed strange to me and I was scared; I wanted to go back to the school in my country.
Now, I am able to not only speak English, but also explain ideas clearly to the others.
I was able to not onl y adapt to a society while learning much about myself and others.
