Hi! This is a very rough draft and please feel free to give your harshest criticism. What do you think???
I was sitting at the dining room table with Grandpa, "look at me, I'm so bald, I have no hair!" he joked. Five year olds do not have the most evolved sense of sarcasm. "Be right back," I said. Minutes later I was back, holding a blond lock of hair in my hands, about 3 inches long. "Here I said," you can share mine. He laughed.
I have always done whatever I can to provide for others in need. I love to share and to be generous. To me, generosity is freely sharing what I can offer with others. It is my willingness to offer moral support and advice. It is sharing my lunch with a friend who forgot theirs at home.
I have structured my life in a way that makes generosity impetuous and fun. It is often difficult for me to avoid over-commitment in terms of my volunteer work! It is what I love doing. To me, knowing I have improved the life of another person gives me more pleasure than anything I could do for myself. I work weekly as a volunteer mentor in a class for developmentally challenged teens. I helped to teach the teens ultimately how to socialize. I have conversations with them and teach them about various social cues and how to guide a conversation. During my junior year I was an assistant teacher in a kindergarten class where I mentored for Matthew. Matthew was five at the time and sees only 5% out of one eye. I used my own nature to provide nurture for him in class. I was his midpoint between the teacher and the blackboard. My experience with these two situations has expanded my knowledge about cognitive disabilities, they have also taught me the various ways to help different types of people. Matthew taught me that in order to teach him the best way I could, I had to be the best, the enthusiasm he heard in my voice would set the tone for the way he would internalize what I taught him. The developmentally challenged teens looked up to me as a role model, they watched me interact with other people and based their social situations off of mine. The teens taught me that I am outgoing, but that does not mean everyone else is. My ability to provide knowledge for them and for them to help me understand how to better be of use to them is very rewarding.
These experiences have helped my skill set grow. I have learned different methods to help people in need and have come to understand when it is appropriate to help those people.
It was once said that every human has two opposing drives within himself. One is to behave generously and give of his time. The other is to behave selfishly. If generosity and its opposite fall on completely different sides of the morality spectrum, generosity is truly a virtue.
I am happier when I give of myself. I have always viewed generosity as almost a spiritual endeavor. It provides no tangible reward and no outward benefit yet it makes my soul stronger. Because it is the foundation to social justice work, generosity can mend gaps between different classes of people. I understand what it can feel like to be left out and so I try my best to promote equality.
I love the message of this essay, and I think it has the potential to be very good. There are many things you can improve though. You do a lot of telling, I would do more showing for starters. A lot of sentences you use are awkward or unclear.
"Here I said," you can share mine. He laughed. "Here, you can share mine" I said. He laughed.
I have always done whatever I can to provide for others in need. I love to share and to be generous. To me, generosity is freely sharing what I can offer with others. It is my willingness to offer moral support and advice. It is sharing my lunch with a friend who forgot theirs at home. Maybe shorten this or eliminate it, it doesn't really add anything.
I have structured my life in a way that makes generosity impetuous and fun. Impetuous means done in a hurry, not a good word to use here.
I have conversations with them and teach them about various social cues and how to guide a conversation. "Teach them about various social cues SUCH AS how to guide a conversation.
Matthew was five at the time and sees only 5% out of one eye. Saw, not sees
I used my own nature to provide nurture for him in class This doesn't make sense.
Matthew taught me that in order to teach him the best way I could, I had to be the best, the enthusiasm he heard in my voice would set the tone for the way he would internalize what I taught him. Run on sentence, and what you're saying here is awkward.
My ability to provide knowledge for them and for them to help me understand how to better be of use to them is very rewarding. Fix this sentence, the phrasing here is very awkward and unclear.
I have always viewed generosity as almost a spiritual endeavor. I have always viewed generosity as an almost spiritual endeavor.
The last few paragraphs are very general and don't really relate to the whole essay. Try to figure out exactly what you're trying to say, in a concise and clear way.
