Hi I'd highly appreciate it if someone could look over what I have so far for my essay and give me advice on how to further expand it.
A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
It was hard to recall any of their names; actually it was hard to even recollect a mere image of how they looked like. For the last time I remember visiting them was five years ago. I didn't know their personality, how they spent their days, what they did for fun, we lived in two different worlds. What would I even ask them, what would we talk about over there, I didn't even know how to start a conversation with them. As my mind raced through these daunting thoughts on the flight to Pakistan I came to a sudden realization. Even though we lived more than a thousand miles apart from each other we were of the same race, the same color, the same religion. They were my cousins after all, my family. We shared together just as much as the differences we possessed. For what is diversity than having variety, for being different in one way than others? For one thinks diversity is the image they first see; their appearance, their race, their color. But diversity isn't seen so broad, it can go beyond that. It can be seen as the economic, geographic background, the personal and social interests of the individual.
I really like how you didn't come out and say who you were referring to immediately. It definitely kept me reading because I wanted to know who you were talking about. This is a good start! But remember that your common app essay should be very concise, so make sure you get to the point quick! I have a few suggestions.
It was hard to recall any of their names, or even recollect a mere image of how they looked.
ForThe last time I remember visitingsaw them was five years ago. We lived in two different worlds -- I didn't know their personality, how they spent their days, or what they did for fun. , we lived in two different worlds. What would I even ask them?What would we talk about?over there, I didn't even know how to start a conversation with them!
