Thank you so much for any feedback in advance! The prompt I responded to was: Describe a character in fiction, history, or life and their influence on you.
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I am staring at my IB History teacher's striped polo, trying to discern what he had for lunch by the orange stain permeating the pattern-to clarify, I don't usually make it a habit of analyzing the dietary habits of my teachers. Rather, I am testing out a new strategy that I learned from my favorite detective in a short story I read the night before; said detective figured out exactly how and from what part of London a client of him came, all from a few mud stains on her dress.
I first discovered Sherlock Holmes in the sixth grade, when my brother unceremoniously dumped the two-volume collection of stories and novels by Sir Arthur Doyle, onto my bed and said, "They're detective stories. You should read them if you want to be a lawyer. You know...teach you look for details and stuff."
And read them I did. I remember reading The Sign of Four in a matter of days, and being addicted to the stories ever since. To me, Holmes is much more than the world's only consulting detective, who can recite your life story with one glance at your clothes; he is a role model. Holmes is known for throwing himself completely into a case, heart, body and soul. As chronicled by his companion Watson, he gives up food, sleep, and other pursuits with ease in favor of more time, more focus on a case. His singular passion for solving crimes reveals a true devotion to his art, something I can only aspire to do with my life.
True, I am not gifted with the extraordinary brain of Sherlock Holmes. What I can do, however, is emulate the passion with which Holmes approaches his work. Although I am incapable of solving murder mysteries with this attitude, I can easily apply it to my life. Sherlock has taught me that whatever I choose to do, I should do it with zeal, whether it be researching a human rights topic to discuss at the next Amnesty International meeting or practicing and perfecting that classical Indian dance that I will eventually perform.
As of now, he has taught me to accomplish my short-term goals to the best of my ability. Yet I, like Sherlock, have my own set of long term goals. For Sherlock, it is to become the world's best criminal detective. For me, it is to become the best diplomat, human rights advocate or lawyer. Just as he becomes respected for solving cases, I want to be respected for helping solve humanitarian crises, like Syria. I plan to follow these pursuits as fervently as Sherlock follows a lead on a case, with the same enthusiasm-minus the eccentricity.
Returning to my history teacher's sauce-stained shirt; I managed to determine that it was the distinct hue of Sriracha. That's about as far as I got-Sriracha is in nearly all restaurants in Colorado. Sure, I gave up trying to be Sherlock. That doesn't mean I can't be like him.
You have done a nice job revising your essay. I really like this, it is very unique :)
You know...teach you to look for details and stuff.
Holmes is known for throwing himself completely into a case with his mind, heart, body and soul.
Sherlock has taught me that whatever I choose to do, I should do it with zeal, whether it be researching a human rights topic to discuss at the next Amnesty International meeting or practicing and perfecting that classical Indian dance that I will eventually perform.
This sentence is too long. I love what you are saying here though.
As of now, he has taught me to accomplish my short-term goals to the best of my ability.
By reading about Sherlock, I have been inspired to accomplish my goals...
For Sherlock, it is to become the world's best criminal detective.
Check the validity of this statement, did he really have that goal? Or maybe his goal was using his determination to solve even the most impossible mystery.
Oh, okay. I see what I have to lean up now. Thank you so much! :)
I am staring at my IB History teacher's striped polo, trying to discern what he had for lunch by the orange stain permeating the pattern-to clarify, I don't usually make it a habit of analyzing the dietary habits of my teachers. Rather, I am testing out a new strategy that I learned from my favorite detective in a short story I read the night before; said detective figured out exactly how and from what part of London a client of himhis came, all from a few mud stains on her dress.
I first discovered Sherlock Holmes in the sixth grade, when my brother unceremoniously dumped the two-volume collection of stories and novels by Sir Arthur Doyle, ontoon my bed and said, "They're detective stories. You should read them if you want to be a lawyer. You know...teach you look for details and stuff."
And read them I did. I remember reading The Sign of Four in a matter of days, and being addicted to the stories ever since. To me, Holmes is much more than the world's only consulting detective, who can recite your life story with one glance at your clothes; he is a role model. Holmes is known for throwing himself completely into a case, heart, body and soul. As chronicled by his companion Watson, he gives up food, sleep, and other pursuits with ease in favor of more time, more focus on a case. His singular passion for solving crimes reveals a true devotion to his art, something I can only aspire to do with my life.
True, I am not gifted with the extraordinary brain of Sherlock Holmes. What I can do, however, is emulate the passion with which Holmes approaches his work. Although I am incapable of solving murder mysteries with this attitude, I can easily apply it to my life. Sherlock has taught me that whatever I choose to do, I should do it with zeal, whether it be researching a human rights topic to discuss at the next Amnesty International meeting or practicing and perfecting thata classical Indian dance that I will eventually perform.
As of now, he has taught me to accomplish my short-term goals to the best of my ability. Yet I, like Sherlock, have my own set of long term goals. For Sherlock, it is to become the world's best criminal detective. For me, it is to become the best diplomat, human rights advocate or lawyer. Just as he becomes respected for solving cases, I want to be respected for helping solve humanitarian crises, like the political turmoil in Syria. I plan to follow these pursuits as fervently as Sherlock follows a lead on a case, with the same enthusiasm-minus the eccentricity.
Returning to my history teacher's sauce-stained shirt; I managed to determine that it was the distinct hue of Sriracha. That's about as far as I got-Sriracha is in nearly all restaurants in Colorado. Sure, I gave up trying to be Sherlock. That doesn't mean I can't be like him.
Really good essay and pretty much perfect grammar and content wise. Reccomend you watch Sherlock series if you like the detective :).
I'm a huge fan of the series! :D Thanks so much!
I think overall it's a good essay. Interesting start. The users before me have done a good job with correcting the errors but here's mine anyway :
You know...teach you look for details and stuff."
You know...
to teach you
to look for details and stuff"
with ease in favor of more time, more focus on a case.
with ease in favor of more time
and more focus on a case.
Returning to my history teacher's sauce-stained shirt; I managed to determine that it was the distinct hue of Sriracha. That's about as far as I got-Sriracha is in nearly all restaurants in Colorado.
You must have like an amazing and extensive knowledge of sauces to be able to differentiate one from the other. Great job, Sherlock! :)
