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Common App essay (the influence of my two little siblings)

alejxa 3 / 7  
Dec 20, 2009   #1
I really need help with this essay since I do not know what to do about it. right now, I feel like it is a complete mess and I do realize that it is lacking a conclusion. I've started over with so many essays and I need to stick with this one and make a miracle happen - I don't have much time and this essay sucks (I might want to add that Im applying to really competitive schools)

You can find many toys, cries and laughter at home, compared to home five years ago; today it is extremely more hectic and entertaining. But what is the difference? My two siblings who arrived, out of the blue, after 12 years of me as an only child. Life completely changed route after August 27, 2004; from calm and virtually monotonous to unusual and spontaneous. However, what I found to be most remarkable was not how we learn to walk and talk, but how two cute toddlers can have an evident and significant influence on me as an individual.

I remember constantly asking for siblings when I was younger; "Mami, but if I have kids they won't have cousins or aunts and uncles," I would use as my strongest defense. Even as I already knew the answer: "I don't know," or "we'll see"; after 10 years of asking I gave up on that possibility. If only I knew that once I settled on being the only child, my baby siblings would arrive. I was incredulous when my mom said I was going to have a sister, and I was shocked when a year later she said we were going to have a brother. But, as a responsible person that I am, I couldn't be more prepared and considerate for the alteration.

I am constantly learning plentiful from my two baby siblings. From their baby stages, my mom taught me how to fulfill every baby's basic need. I can now honestly say I know how to change diapers, make formula, burp a baby, and comfort cries, when asked to babysit. But most importantly I've realized how difficult it is to be a parent. By thirteen I felt like I've landed the full time job of being the second mom, I felt the pressure and work of having children without the full responsibility.

As for the toddler years, I'm still learning. What I have learned is that my personality traits have certainly been helpful: being patient, playful, understanding and creative. I must be patient when Elly and Ben are constantly seeking for attention. I must definitely be playful incessantly even as I may feel tired and worn out. I must be tolerant when I have to help my mom any time she needs it. And finally I have to be creative to transform those stale everyday tasks into fun and engaging activities fit for a 5 and a 4 year old.

Even as they have strengthened some of my already placed traits they have certainly been the reason of some new personality traits. For example, I find myself more cheerful and outgoing now, more so than I used to be 5 years ago - it takes confidence to be a role model, to say no when needed to, and to make a fool of yourself for siblings' entertaining purpose. I've also learned to be more sensitive, I've learned by example how to demonstrate my feelings and emotions. A toddler probably goes through almost all possible emotions every day, crying at least one time a day. I have learned to say I love you seeing as it is so easy for a toddler to say it. And finally I've learned to be optimistic no matter the circumstance.

As the adage goes: "Having a baby changes everything"; and it doesn't only apply to parents but to big sisters as well.

What should I do about the ending? how do I make it flow better? and does it have enough potential? Help!! please
RabiaG 1 / 30  
Dec 20, 2009   #2
I love your idea of new siblings, and the happiness from them.

But you have so many ideas from that one theme.

Focus on one idea.
Some suggestions, you may ant to focus on how your mindset towards life has changed after your siblings.

You may want to focus on another idea, of how you started to appreciate a mother's job of being am other, because maybe you had to take of them, or you experienced them growing up, so you understand what a mother might go through.

You jump from one idea to another.
Like your mom having children after a long time, what you used to say when you were small, etc.etc.

In your late paragraph, you list many attributes that you've gained. I think ofcus on one attribute that you can really write about, and that you have an attachment with, and literally fly with it.

EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 22, 2009   #3
...today it is extremely more hectic and entertaining.

By thirteen I felt like I had landed the full-tim e job of being the second mom, and I felt the pressure and work of having children without the full responsibility.

the adage at the end is great! I challenge you to condense this material so that you can express it in 3 paragraphs instead of five, and then, if possible, add 2 paragraphs about how this experience is related to your intended career. How has this experience made you excellent at certain skills, so that you are perfect for your chosen field?

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