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Common app Essay--- like a basketball game

jiji2010 1 / 1  
Oct 25, 2009   #1
This is my essay, please treat it really rigorously!( common app) topic of your choice.
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Looking into the eyes of my opponent with the iron gaze of warrior; the frozen stare of a man possessed; and the piercing glare of a champion; dribbling across the half-court; only ten seconds left; making a simple pick-and-roll with my teammate; picking off the defender and shooting a final hit., I suddenly realized life is much like a basketball game when the ball dropped through the net.

Although every player is energetic and willing to be aggressive at the beginning of a match, those experienced ones are always intentionally saving their strength. They are aware of basketball match is a 48-minute-long game; it tests our volition more than our impulse. This immediately reminded me of my grandfather, who was a former battalion commander in the army. I always played traditional Chinese chess with him at my early age. Each time when my chessman 'ate' his, I shouted to him 'Grandpa, Grandpa' loudly with jubilation on my face. However, his general was always safe and beat me down every time finally. He always told me that if one remains his temperance at first, that person would gain a lot more in the future.

As the game goes on, it is the time for sacrifice and teamwork. Basketball is a game of five; every player is unique to the team. Only when each individual gives up something and collaborates with others, team wins. Born as the only child in my family, for a long time I have not appreciated what my parents or other elders did for me. In another way, I only demanded but never supplied. It was not until when I entered Senior high school. I spent two summers doing fieldwork in several villages in Anhui province, one of the poorest parts of rural China. By seeing homeless people, unattended children, low-efficient agricultural production, I automatically grew up. The messy situation in those villages only revealed a piece of truth. Thousands of hundreds of people were suffering starvation, AIDS, anarchy etc all around the world. All of my family members are philanthropic, why should I leave this responsibility behind myself. Just like a basketball team, the world is our mutual home, if we devote ourselves into helping others, it can only make it a better place.

The final couple of minutes of the game are always the most nervous period. All players are exhausted now, the people who smile at last is definitely with strong mind. Somebody's dream may flare with time, but that will not be my case. Two years ago, an unforgettable failure changed my life and taught me the importance of persistence. That was a Thursday afternoon; I still remember when people started to rush into the basketball court, hundreds of them, flung their hands overheads and shouted loudly. I have never seen this kind of situation before, or put it in another way, tears swirling in my eyelid prevented me to seeing clearly. However, I would rather believe it was an illusion instead of reality, because after 2 months' hard training and hundreds of hours of nervous waiting, I could not possibly accept the result that my best friend, Kevin's team, beat my team. Remembering clearly, I escaped from court as fast as I can, then ran into the dormitory and cried alone. I did not eat dinner that night; I would not come to the evening self-study session until one of my classmates, someone I knew little, moved near my bed and gave me a piece of yellow, half-transparent notepaper with several lines of handwriting on it: Cheer up! When God closes a door, somewhere he opens a window. Why would this person send me this, I was definitely not acquainted with him, nor did he know me very well. If so, there is only one explanation, he simply wants to help me out from the shadow of failure. Reading the note repeatedly, I suddenly realize I must never lose hope, this feeling contended me a lot, but more than that, the magnificence of love first time invigorates me. I was still lying on my bed, weeping silently, but I felt like I was Andy Dufresne just prison broke from the Shawshank, stood under the downpour, and enjoyed the pure power of hope, of persistence.

Who am I? Why is it that the simpler the question seems, the harder people can answer it? Just like the query that chicken comes first or chicken egg comes first. However, after 17 years of inquiry, now I find the answer, the answer hides beneath the outer skin of basketball, the answer pervades in the rubber flavor of the basketball, the answer to me, is no longer a fear to face forever.

ying7686 2 / 7  
Oct 25, 2009   #2
This is a very good essay!!This will make you go anywhere~~~
"life is much like a basketball game when the ball dropped through the net". I don't see much logic in this sentence with your grandpa's story, though.

And your theme is not very obvious, you talk about 3 topic, your grandpa,volunteer and facing failure, they look like a littlle bit seperated and you must make better transition into these paragraph or it will just break down your whole theme as "Who am I"

Just my opinion~Happy to see some Chinese culture in "Self-study session"~haha
OP jiji2010 1 / 1  
Oct 25, 2009   #3
Thanks!! I am working on it, trying to fix it!!
nadabatu 3 / 8  
Oct 25, 2009   #4
Good job! I was just wondering - what is the main point or example that your are using in this essay? It seems to be a little messy, but the content and feeling is definitely there!

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