Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.
When I was eight years old, my family moved from Puerto Rico to Malaga, Spain to work as Christian missionaries. It was a difficult time. I remember how sad it was to say goodbye to my family and friends. I thought that it would become easier as the goodbyes became more frequent, but unfortunately, it became harder. Crying became second nature and long hugs never seemed to last long enough.
At my new school, I was surrounded by people from 52 different nations, which was quite intimidating at first. I also found that while I spoke Spanish and came from a Hispanic background, there were huge cultural differences with Spain. However, after the initial culture shock, I started to accept, adapt and integrate into my new environment, and eventually, I came to feel at home. I learned to make the most of this unique educational situation, and now I even have the privilege of being the school's Deputy Head Girl which allows me to take part in many more aspects of school life, such as organizing student translators for Parent Teacher meetings, and volunteers for the Primary School reading program.
Six years ago I started volunteering at Path of Life, a non-governmental organization and at two churches formed by my parents. These activities have helped me stay positive as I have been able to engage with people from various social spheres and focus on their needs. I have also been able to develop and lead a church youth group which has been one of the most gratifying and fulfilling experiences in my life. Being involved in social work and church development, mainly with children and youth at risk of social exclusion, has offered me the opportunity to make relationships with people I would have not met otherwise. Little did I know how God would use me to enrich other people's lives, and at the same time allow me to learn so much from them.
I enjoy learning about cultures and understanding how a country's unique history has shaped it and made it what it is today. I appreciate how other people see the world, and consequently have been able to expand my own worldview. Drawing from specific aspects of European culture and applying them to my own Hispanic American background has allowed me to become a citizen of a third culture, my own.
During my life, I have been able to travel to 30 countries in four continents. I have found that a useful tool for relating to new people and cultures has been being fully bilingual in English and Spanish, with an additional seven years of French study. In the future I intend to continue expanding my language and communication skills in order to be more effective in trans-cultural situations.
Every other year, I have been able to go back to the United States to visit family and friends, and have had the opportunity to reconnect with American society. Additionally, the past two summers have played a major role in my life, as firstly in 2014, I was selected to attend the Science Technology Engineering and Math (S.T.E.M.) Summer Program at the US Naval Academy, and then this year, I was selected to represent Spain at the Global Young Leaders Conference in Washington D.C. and New York City. Both of these experiences offered me the opportunity to interact with young people from both the US and around the world.
After ten years, I have realized that my roots are not confined to a geographical location, but instead to where I have developed meaningful relationships that will last a lifetime. I have come to understand that true relationships can break through cultural barriers. My awareness of my diverse cultural background has shaped me tremendously, and I strive to use it in a way that will impact those around me in a positive manner, as well as applying it to learn more about the complex and remarkable world in which we live.
It is 16 words over the word limit. If there is anything that isn't necessary please let me know. Thank you!
Rebecca, your whole essay is interesting to read in terms of your background. the only problem that I see, is that your life is more religious than it is academic. So the inclusion of the paragraph about how you had to fit in at school and the culture shock you received upon attending the school seems misplaced. It does not connect with the rest of the essay because it seems like you didn't have a problem adjusting to the side of your life that deals with your being a Christian missionary youth.
I believe that your essay will be cut down immediately in length, making it fall under the minimum word count once you remove the paragraph that starts with "At my new school, I was surrounded by people from 52 different nations, which was quite intimidating at first. " It is not really a very interesting tale to tell as all students experience some sort of negative experience once they switch schools, or, in your case, countries and schools. However, that was never the focal point of your essay so it doesn't really help the essay along. It is disposable and will not affect the overall theme of your paper. Delete the whole paragraph. I only put a strikeout at this point to remind you of where you should start your erasing in the paragraph.
Why not try to relate your constant moving with your eventual acceptance of your life path instead? Explain how you came to view the constant moving and helping with the setting up of your parents church as a blessing that helped you learn things about people, cultures, and countries that you would not have had the chance to learn cooped up in a classroom. I believe that this is the point you are trying to make in your essay so you need to lay the applicable foundation for that topic at the start of the essay.
Rebecca, as much as I loved reading your essay,
I see that it lacks the smooth transition of events in your life.
You have the idea on what to write and you have the skills for it,
I believe you have to re- write the essay and incorporate your
academic achievements or activities to your essay.
The thing is, your essay became a family essay, I understand that you want to
portray where you're coming from and it's absolutely well written for the most part
of the essay but it got stuck there. You have to add a full paragraph of academic insights too.
Also, you might want to merge your segmented paragraphs into a few full paragraphs
so that the essay will be more presentable.
