Common App Essay - McDonald's

Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you:

"But Asians don't work at McDonalds." My Hispanic friend interrupted disbelievingly in the middle of my recount of the job fair that was held the past weekend. I found the assertion offensive; I didn't see anything wrong with working at McDonald's. In fact, I was proud to be an employee at the world's most famous fast food restaurant that even my grandmother in Korea knows of. I wanted to boast how the line for the interview at McDonald's was so long, and that I was one of the few who were hired on the spot, but instead of the congratulatory response for being the first to get a job, many wondered why I would want to work at McDonald's. Even my parents seemed embarrassed to tell everyone in the Korean community that their daughter would be working at McDonald's over the summer while other kids were planning to attend leadership camps and visit prestigious colleges. No one, including myself, foresaw that McDonald's would be the ultimate place to cultivate my maturity and development as an individual.

The place that harbored joys and delights in my childhood and also held my exposure to harshness and reality. During my first shift as cashier, the managers snapped at me when I timidly asked them if they could open the cash register because I gave the wrong amount of change, the customers let out exasperated sighs when I couldn't locate the appropriate buttons to compute their order on the menu screen and my senior coworkers rolled their eyes when I pleaded for someone to make an ice cream cone for me after my unsuccessful attempts at shaping the cone. By lunch hour when floods of customers rolled in, the manager told me to take a broom and sweep the bathroom instead.

There was no cutting slack in this new world. Just because I was new didn't mean that everyone would be considerate towards my mistakes. For the first time, I experienced the harsh rebuke and criticism of others in front of my face. I had been an obedient, if not also quiet student in school, but these qualities were useless in the workplace. Having a loud voice and an infallible cheerfulness were the trademarks of being a McDonald's cashier. I received no praise or gratitude for doing my job right because I was simply expected to do so. I had always been under the guidance of parents and teachers but at McDonald's I was on my own while working as a team player at the same time. Failing to carry out my duties properly was disrupting the flow of the system; I had to work fast and with efficiency.

Slowly, I discovered the simple joys of working at McDonald' as I adapted to the routine. Letting a child pick their favorite happy meal toy, seeing the excited faces of the famished soccer players when I called out their orders, and even watching the simple scene of a family enjoying their lunch became pleasures and perks. I found kindred souls in my coworkers after reconciling any differences in age or cultures. Later, I realized that my coworkers were so serious about their work because McDonald's wasn't just a summer part-time job for them, but a major source of income.

By the end of the summer, I concluded that I thrived in this type of realistic environment. I enjoyed working under pressure and received self-satisfaction when performing my responsibilities that are required for a business to function. No longer did I become disheartened with the glares and complaints from customers; throughout the dealings, I built an internal shield that protected my newfound strength and confidence. I finally broke free from my past sheltered existence.

Total words: 618

I had some trouble expressing everything I wanted to say and to make it flow better. What do you guys think about the topic and overall structure?

1st paragraph
ur granny in korea, u can try to say exactly which korea and the type of area she lives in. like my granny lives in a village bt she knows mcdonalds cz she is goes to johannesburg, south africa. I live in a city bt we dnt hav mcdonalds yet i knw it. so try to elborate on that

over the summer, while
2nd paragraph
try to work on you commas, read it out loud and whenver u run out of breath (whilst breathing normally) try to add a comma so it reads well.

overall i love ur essay! its creative i would pick u immidiately if it were nt for the few glitches
please review my essays, thanx and let me knw hw it goes

I presume your grandma lives in South Korea. It sounds very starnge that your grandmother knowing the existence of McDonald's is a proof of its prominence, especially if she lives in an urban area. Then it'd be like saying, "hey, even my cousin who lives in NYC knows about McDonald's." If that's not the case, you have to specify.


That "and" between "childhood" and "also" should be removed.


This is just a suggestion. You should definitely break this up into 2 or more sentences.


I like the style of your writing. However, some sentences are too long and lack commas.
The topic is fine, and so is the structure.

Thank you, ace and Logical_Fella_C.
ace- I'll look at your threads tonight when I get back home to see if I can be a help :]

About the grandmother part I was trying to say that McDonald's is known in a more global sense, compared to other fast food places?

Does it make it any better if I changed it to:
"In fact, I was proud to be an employee at a famous fast food restaurant that even my grandmother who lives on the other side of the world knows of."

Is it okay if I end the sentence with a preposition like "of" or should I avoid doing that?

Yeah, I always seem to have that problem of writing really long sentences. I'll try to revise everything tonight. Thanks a lot again!

You could say even my granmother who has never walked into a McDonald's, knows about it.
I think its clearer