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Common App Essay -- "A New Experience" (Topic of Your Choice)


shayonsaleh 6 / 6  
Dec 30, 2008   #1
I stand in the middle of a swamp filled with poisonous snakes, snapping turtles, and insects the size of a finger, armed with only waterlogged brown trousers, a seine net, and one rubber boot. I thrust forward into the black muck with my unarmored foot, only to have it swallowed up by nearly a foot of mud and slime. I jam the end of the seine net into the mud for balance and hesitatingly glance back at the brown-colored surface for any trace of my other rubber boot, but it was hopeless. Sighing, I try to lift my other leg but the ground itself seems to resist letting go of its newly acquired possession. I try to swing my leg out, only to lurch forward. I let go of the net and flail my arms in an attempt to backpedal, but the quicksand-like mud grabs hold of my feet again and I topple into the grime, falling into disgusting goo. It was the seventh time in the last hour that I fell into the wetlands behind my school. And only one thought pervades my mind: This is what I want to do for the rest of my life.

Advanced Placement Environmental Science, or APES as the acronym goes, stands alone for me from the normal humdrum classes of high school. From the description on the course catalog, I expected a class that would try to convince me to throw away all my light bulbs for fluorescent versions, protest for the rights of trees everywhere, and join Greenpeace. Instead, I found myself planning cities, cleaning tiger cages, and even trying to figure out the best method to filter polluted drinking water. I learned that cities are not as eco-hostile as previously imagined, for they have high population densities, often successfully utilize mass transit, and have a higher average quality of life. I learned every animal has its own niche in an ecosystem to the point where different birds habituate different places of the same tree because they are the best evolved for it. And, I learned that I love ecology.

I eventually competed in the ecology event in Science Olympiad after my newfound affinity for the subject. I placed third at the state competition, one of two medals that my school won that year at the state level. I also ended up writing three important papers for the class. For one I devised an experiment to test the effect of pH on the growth rate of a wetland fish. On another, I measured the effect of temperature on biodiversity in a wetland using real data from previous years of APES classes. It was my first forays into writing as a scientist, and it was the first time I proudly turned in a formal research paper on a subject which I was enthusiastic.

Of course, there were times where I had to push myself like when I had to read about the negatives of growing fish on a farm as opposed to the ocean at three in the morning. Yet, those moments become gray and forgettable next to all the amazing ones. And, I learned more from APES than all my science courses beforehand. Now, I know that I want to be an ecological biologist, working out on the field. I know I want to help find alternative forms of energy, so the world can become less reliant on harmful fossil fuels. And, I know I should probably get around to installing my new fluorescent light bulbs.

I gasp for breath on the shore of the wetland as I unravel my net for its treasures. I find tadpoles, hermit crabs, and bluegill, all flipping and twisting in protest. I record my findings and gently place the creatures back into the wetland's murky depths. In that small marsh, I found a baby snapping turtle, angrily trying to bite me even though it fit in the palm of my hand. In that harsh bog, I found a beaver, making a dam and creating a home for the winter ahead. In that muddy quagmire, I saw the tiniest frog, trying to remain hidden on a blade of grass. And, in that small marsh, I found a world and all of its joys.

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This was the "topic of your choice" option from the Common Application. Any edits, comments, or tips would be greatly appreciated!
Tootley 4 / 10  
Dec 30, 2008   #2
"And, I learned more from APES than all my science courses beforehand."

sounds out of place here and it stops the flow. I suggest moving it as it is pretty important

- this essay is really good. It flows really nicely, shows your a good writer and conveys your love for the subject.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Dec 31, 2008   #3
How about instead of, "And, I learned that I love ecology," you write:

I also learned that I love ecology.

Of course, there were times where I had to push myself, reading about the negatives of growing fish on a farm as opposed to the ocean at three in the morning.

I like this last paragraph SOOOO much:

I gasp for breath on the shore of the wetland as I unravel my net for its treasures. I find tadpoles, hermit crabs, and bluegill, all flipping and twisting in protest. I record my findings and gently place the creatures back into the wetland's murky depths. In that small marsh, I found a baby snapping turtle, angrily trying to bite me even though it fit in the palm of my hand. In that harsh bog, I found a beaver, making a dam and creating a home for the winter ahead. In that muddy quagmire, I saw the tiniest frog, trying to remain hidden on a blade of grass. And, in that small marsh, I found a world and all of its joys.


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