So this is the Common app essay. I answered the question: A range of academic interests, personal perspectives, and life experiences adds much to the educational mix. Given your personal background, describe an experience that illustrates what you would bring to the diversity in a college community, or an encounter that demonstrated the importance of diversity to you.
I am proud to be a Nigerian. I love my culture and the diverse background that I come from. Being brought up as a Nigerian has taught me to be more open minded and better able to understand individual differences in others. As a first generation American, there are some Nigerian traditions that are different from the American culture I still have to respect even though I may not understand them. However by abiding to these traditions has let me grow up with a better appreciation of other cultures including my own. Whenever I see a Nigerian adult I have to call them auntie or uncle, and I have to greet elders by kneeling down to them, and the strict background that my parents have raised me in has caused me to take a greater appreciation towards work and a greater respect to others. These acts of respect show how proud I am to be a Nigerian-American.
Respect in the Nigerian culture is very important. All traditions that are upheld revolve around respect. The act of kneeling down to elders reveals a lot about a person in the Nigerian culture. When a child kneels down to an older person it shows how well brought up the child is, he or she is respectful, and that he or she actually values Nigerian traditions. I want to reflect all these things about me when I kneel down to elders. I do not kneel down just to please my parents, but for self-respect. After those few minutes I meet a person I do not want to be known as the girl that showed no respect to her elders. I care how I am represented as a person. I do not want to be the reason for why my parents or anybody else is looked upon poorly. No matter where I am I make sure that if anyone were to meet me that I am representing myself the way that I would like to be remembered. Through this tradition that I follow, I value other cultures that may have unorthodox traditions too. I understand and can relate to the way that Asians have to bow down to their elders. I do not view it as strange or odd, but I know exactly how they feel or why they have to bow down to their elders. Again, it is all about respect. I may now even understand why Aretha Franklin wants respect, too. She wants to treat others with the same respect that she wants to be treated with as well. And I am able to understand what she means through my own experiences as a Nigerian.
One particular experience that I encountered was at a family friend's graduation. I stood with my family, and then I see a herd of Nigerians coming in my direction. I only recognize a few adults' faces, and the rest are just new faces to me. Even though I have never met some of these people before I knew the proper thing to do was to greet myself by kneeling down to the elders. One has to treat one another as if they are family. That day I had to kneel down to every elder that I knew already or did not know. I never really understood why I greeted people the way that I do, but I simply could not let my parents down. Although I am a Nigerian - American, I want to continue the traditions of my ancestral country. However I do not only want to kneel down to elders or call these strangers my aunts or uncles, but I want to represent who I am as a person through these acts of respect.
I want to continue these Nigerian traditions mostly to stay connected with my roots. They are very meaningful to me because that is the only way that I can connect to my home country for which I have yet to visit. Keeping the culture, eating the food, wearing the traditional clothing, and listening to the native music is the only way that I can relive the culture even though I am not actually in the country. And by continuing these traditions has given me a broader understanding of cultural differences too. Some people may not understand the same cultural differences that I recognize, but at least I can speak to diversity and I am open to anything that comes my way.
Any advise please??
This is excellent. I see no errors, and I am impressed by your thoughtfulness. I think the admissions person will be, too. Can you find room to speak a bit about the school, so that you will be showing that you researched the school? Perhaps you can add some comments about the diversity that already exists at the school. However, I must admit that this very meaningful essay laves little room for improvement.
Perhaps the first sentence can say, "I am proud to be a Nigerian, and my heritage is full of cultural beauty that I can contribute to [name of institution].
This way you will be connecting it to the school.
:)
