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Common App Essay-a person who has had a significant influence on you

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Oct 24, 2009   #1
"May I complete the missed page in the quiz?" I asked in a whisper towards Miss Ni, my new English teacher.
"Again?" My request confused her because it had been my second time to miss one page in English quiz. With little hope, I said sorry and seemed to get prepared to her rejection.

"OK, just take your time, and don't forget to put your paper on my desk after finishing it." To my surprise, she approved (爽快地)and didn't intend to supervise me to complete the quiz.

I am weak at English. I could not follow up class since junior high due to the weak foundation from my elementory school, everytime when English quiz I was one of the worst student Sometimes, as I mentioned above, I could even be stupid enough to miss one whole page. I have always been frustrated with my English study, assuming that I was just that kind of un-gifted student, and slanting on discipline. This time Miss Ni didn't approve me believing so, however.

"It is quite easy to catch up with your classmates, just reviewng your notes everyday, of course you should first take notes at class." Miss Ni obviously had noticed that once I could not understand the lesson, I would slack off and stopped moving my ball pens. She began to push me. Push me to take the frequent dictation, push me to copy each word I missed in the dictation for twenty times, and, what's shocking, push me to attend the English contest training class. Maybe I should not say "push" because being enrolled in the English contest class is a great honor, which only fifteen advanced English learners can obtain. I was one of the lucky students assigned by her. To be frank, I should not be the top 15 at that time, though indeed I made significant improvement with her "pushing". The learning process was boring. I continued on just because I didn't want to let her down. I get feared at times if I could not requite her great appreciation and patience. But then I understanded that a good way to improve your self-restriction and self-confidence is to do what you are bored of and afraid of. Even since then I paid more attention to develop the interest in English--not waiting for English to attract me. At the 3rd year of junior high, I not only catch up the stressful training progress but also get in the final English test.

Now I can confidently take TOEFL without missing any section.

I saw a child at movable sheds at Sichuan after the devastating earthquake, obviously he know little words so he drawed a crane, when I request him to write down his dream. His mother recalled the miserable situation when she saw the painting at paper. After they are rescued from the ruins, the boy questioned his mother:" mom, so our house crushed?" His mother nodded yes, then he smiled to console :" Do not worry, mom, I can re-built it with my crane."

This boy love vehicles, every kind of, from toy car to crane, so his wish is have a car of his own.

It's my English teacher who taught me what's persistence and confidences, while this boy show me what's optimistic and dream. I believe, forever, that I will be more tough and strong in the future when confronted with retards.

I had a question:common essay topic:Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you,and describe that influence, can I describe a mainp person and also write some about another person, as now my essay did. Or is it better to focus on one person?

I need the revision for the language use and suggestion for the context of the essay!
nike t 1 / 4  
Oct 25, 2009   #2
Personally I don't think that the child with the crane has anything to do with the essay as a whole. And yes, the english does need a bit of work. It seems to be the verbs that are in wrong tenses, wrongly spelled.

I also don't understand how missing a page of the quiz has to do with being bad at english, does that mean that you forgot to do it, or you screwed up a whole page of the quiz? If it is the latter, i don't think that colleges would like to see that you got your teacher to let you retake a page of the quiz. If it is the former, then I still don't see how forgetting to do a page of the quiz works with showing you're bad at english, but still pulled through and worked to get better at english.

Also I don't know how significant saying that you learned perseverance from someone will be to the colleges. They probably get many essays that say something like that. Not that I'm saying your experience is dull or anything, I'm just saying that many other students may use something similar.

And what does confronted with retards mean?

Hope all this helps a bit.
OP season 1 / 1  
Oct 26, 2009   #3
nike t
thanks for your suggestions. I will continue working on the essay. Or after the early decision maybe I should change a topic.

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