Unanswered [27] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 16

Common App Short Response (flute teacher)


amy87014 3 / 15  
Aug 30, 2009   #1
"This is DO... try it...it's not that hard." My Chinese flute teacher encourages me enthusiastically on the first lesson. The sound that comes out of the bamboo instrument is absolutely beautiful. I fell in love with it right away; it soothes me when I am sad and calms me down when I am mad. Shortly afterwards, the teacher invited me to join his orchestra. A timid immigrant lacking confidence, I learned to make friends despite communication problems while enjoying the resonant music. The orchestra is definitely a haven where I gained confidence to make friends with different people. We are a big family, helping out each other not only on musical difficulties, but also on emotional distresses and personal problems.

plz leave any comments or corrections.
thanx!! I really appreciate any help
christiek 6 / 65  
Aug 30, 2009   #2
amy87014

t soothes me when I am sad and calms me down when I am mad

maybe you can use different adjectives replacing sad and mad. its something little but it can make a difference :)

the minimum length for common app is 250 words. just in case.

and whats the prompt for this essay your writing?
more people could help you if they know the prompt..

good luck :))
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 30, 2009   #3
I fell in love with it right away; it soothes me when I am sad and calms me down when I am mad.

I would replace "mad" with "angry" because it sort of rhymes right now haha. This is not a bad try. You have some grammer issues and some sentence structures to fix.

EDIT:

and whats the prompt for this essay your writing?
more people could help you if they know the prompt..

The common app short responce prompt is pretty...common. It requires you to describe an extracurricular activity that you participate in. It is 150 words or less.
christiek 6 / 65  
Aug 30, 2009   #4
Llamapoop123

The common app short responce prompt is pretty...common. It requires you to describe an extracurricular activity that you participate in. It is 150 words or less.

oh wow. i actually never heard of it until now..
So i can do the short response instead of one of the other 5 prompts given?

i will look it up right now.
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 30, 2009   #5
No. You have to do both of them. :]

Edit: It flows very nicely actually.
christiek 6 / 65  
Aug 30, 2009   #6
oh just kidding
okay so we have to do that and the personal essay.
WOW

okay got it.
thank you :)
OP amy87014 3 / 15  
Aug 30, 2009   #7
haha ya.. you have to do both of them XD
How about the flow between the sentences?
I don't think mine connects?
does it?
Beautifulnights 1 / 14  
Aug 30, 2009   #8
I really like the content of the response =]
It could use a little more flow.
christiek 6 / 65  
Aug 30, 2009   #9
amy87014

I fell in love with it right away; it soothes me when I am sad and calms me down when I am mad. right here-better transition Shortly afterwards i think the shortly afterwards part should be changed. it doesnt flow from your previous sentence... , the teacher invited me to join his orchestra.

.
i know we only have 150 words, im having issues too
haha
OP amy87014 3 / 15  
Aug 30, 2009   #10
that 150 words is killing me! this is like the shortened version already, before it's like more than 300 words.
OP amy87014 3 / 15  
Aug 30, 2009   #11
After the advices this is what I came up:

"This is DO... try it...it's not that hard." My Chinese flute teacher encourages me enthusiastically on the first lesson. The sound that comes out of the bamboo instrument is absolutely beautiful that I fell in love with it immediately; it soothes me when I am sad and calms me down when I am angry. Warming and welcoming, the teacher invited me to join his orchestra. A timid immigrant lacking self-confidence, I learned to make friends despite communication problems while enjoying the resonant music. Despite the difference on family backgrounds and social customs, the members respect each other and get along very well. When one person encounters a complication, everyone works together to solve it. We are a big family, helping out each other not only on musical difficulties, but also on emotional distresses and personal problems. The orchestra is definitely a haven where I gained confidence to make friends with different people.

I still think it's sorta weird
any opinions?
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 30, 2009   #12
Warming and welcoming, the teacher invited me to join his orchestra.

Replace "warming and welcoming" with something like "Before long"

A timid immigrant lacking self-confidence, I learned to make friends despite communication problems while enjoying the resonant music.

You really like this type of sentence structure don't you? Although I am quite the opposite of a grammer expert, I don't know if this is a good structure to tell you the truth.

If I were you I would focus on the musical elements of the orchestra also. I am interested to learn what kind of music an orchetra with a Chinese flute would play.
OP amy87014 3 / 15  
Aug 30, 2009   #13
haha...that's the effect of SAT...
ohh ok Chinese flute can play any kind of music, not just traditional music but popular music too! It's really cool
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 30, 2009   #14
I've always wanted to play the flute although there are certain stereotypes (I'm a guy). Anyway I'm sure admissions will be more interested in your flute playing activities than your team bonding ones.
OP amy87014 3 / 15  
Aug 30, 2009   #15
it's chinese flute, which is a man thing rather than a girl thing
Llamapoop123 7 / 442  
Aug 30, 2009   #16
Yeah I'm tlking about flutes though lol.


Home / Undergraduate / Common App Short Response (flute teacher)