Common App (Rice Supplement Short Answers) Critique

I would ask if any one could please read and critique my short answers for my supplement. Thank You!

With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study. Limit 2000 characters.

Memories of my most vivid childhood are of exploring the environment around me with my younger brother. On late summer afternoons when the sun would set, leveling against the horizon, and as time went by we would catch frogs in the stream near my house that formed from the accumulation of seasonal rain. Every day we would often find a new and interesting organism that had its particular niche within the ecosystem. These experiences led to my passion for biology above all other subjects. What I really love about biology is its broad range of topics which can be narrowed down to specifics like the Krebs cycle during cellular respiration, however what I'm truly interested in has always been bodily functions and how the body goes on with these life supporting functions. As a child I would spend my weeknights at my grandparents house as both of my parents worked late shifts. I would witness the amount of medication my grandfather would take and it would worry me that he had to go through his routine everyday. Eventually to no avail he passed away after a difficult struggle with diabetes; I was heartbroken. During the week he was at the hospital I noticed how hard all the nurses and doctors were working and I admired them for doing so. I then told my mom that I had changed my mind about becoming a biologist and I instead wanted to wear a physicians coat and cure the diseases of the ill. Since then my focus has been to be the best physician I can by challenging myself academically. By attending the Weiss School of Natural Science, I will be adequately prepared to take on real world situations and have the confidence of my patients.

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.
When people ask me where I want to continue my education after high school I respond with "Rice". Sometimes I receive puzzled looks by the few that are unfamiliar or have never heard of Rice University. I came across considering applying to Rice one day when I decided to look at brochures in the mail. After reviewing the brochure I felt it was love at first sight. The scenery at Rice is visually stunning as it is masked by an enchanting forest in downtown Houston. Along with the landscape the buildings are aesthetically pleasing emphasizing the origins of the campus. Qualities I love about Rice University are the small teacher to student ratio and the closely knit community of the residential colleges, but most importantly is that Rice is among the most competitive institutions in the state and country. With its beautiful lecture halls and state of the art labs Rice University offers an excellent learning environment for students who crave discovery and knowledge.

Word Count: 164

1 shrt essy good
2 shrt essy bad need betr gramarrr!

With the understanding that the choice of academic school you indicated is not binding, explain why you are applying to that particular school of study. Limit 2000 characters.

The most vivid memories from my childhood are of exploring the environment around me with my younger brother. On late summer afternoons when the sun would set, leveling against the horizon, and as time went by we would catch frogs in the stream near my house that formed from the accumulation of seasonal rain. Every day we would often find a new and interesting organism that had its particular niche within the ecosystem. These experiences led to my passion for biology above all other subjects. What I really love about biology is its broad range of topics which can be narrowed down to specifics like the Krebs cycle during cellular respiration, however what I'm truly interested in has always been bodily functions and how the body goes on(thrives or survives or maintains itself) with these life supporting functions. As a child I would spend my weeknights at my grandparents house as both of my parents worked late shifts. I would witness the amount of medication my grandfather would take and it would worry me that he had to go through this routine every single day. Eventually to no availBut the medication was to no avail because soon after he passed away after a difficult struggle with diabetes; I was heartbroken. During the week he was at thehis final week at the hospital I noticed how harddedicated and (concerned/caring/dedicated/concerned) all the nurses and doctors were and I admired them for doing so. I then told my mom that I had changed my mind about becoming a biologist and I instead wanted to wear a physician' s coat and cure the diseases of the illthat many people face . Since then my focus has been to be the best physician I can by challenging myself academically. By attending the Weiss School of Natural Science, I will be adequately prepared to take on real world situations and have the confidence of my patients.

Wow, this was a great essay you wrote. I truly see why you want to work so hard and dedicate yourself to becoming a physician and this is what colleges are looking for.

I almost forgot about this one!

What motivated you to apply to Rice University? Please be specific and limit your response to 200 words.

When people ask me where I want to continue my education after high school I simply respond with "Rice". Sometimes I receive puzzled looks by the few that are unfamiliar or have never heard of Rice University. I came across considering applying to Rice one day whenThe day I considered applying to Rice was when I decided to look at the brochures that came in the mail. After reviewing the brochure I felt it was love at first sight. The scenery at Rice is visually stunning as it is masked by an enchanting forest in downtown Houston. Along with the landscape, the buildings are aesthetically pleasing, emphasizing the origins of the campus. Qualities I love about Rice University are the small teacher to student ratio and the closely knit community of the residential colleges. Above all, Rice is among the most competitive institutions in the state and country. With its beautiful lecture halls and state of the art labs, Rice University offers an excellent learning environment for students who crave discovery and knowledge.

Word Count: 164

These are just some of my opinions. I hope I helped :)