Common App essay 2022. Single mother,CS

Common Essay Prompt :
Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it.

If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

"In truth a family is what you make it. It is made strong, not by the number of heads counted at the dinner table, but by the rituals you help family members create, by the memories you share, by the commitment of time, caring and love you show to one another, and by the hopes for the future you have as individuals and as a unit." - Marge Kennedy

Divorced in 2011, a time when there still was an extreme social stigma surrounding single mothers, and further coming from a conservative family, my mother fought for a balance between work and raising me. India has one of the lowest divorce rates globally, just 2 in 1000 families, so you can imagine what it would mean for a young lady with a one and half year old to navigate the social barriers. Although well-educated with an engineering degree and a decent job in India in field of technology, my mother also went through the need to constantly prove herself worthy. All the same, as they say, there is no better way to raise a strong, independent woman than to practice being one yourself. My mother did the same.

She ensured that I get a proper education and experience a comfortable life, never belittling our circumstances, or family set up - which is now comprised of my grandparents, myself and my mom. I feel like I was born to 2 mothers. My biological mother and my grandmother who helped raise me. My mother never once made me feel like I needed a fatherly figure in my life. She pushed me to challenge myself, and early on I learned that I could achieve many things by working hard and being determined based on skills, talents and character. My mother encouraged me to explore diverse possibilities.

Particularly, I was introduced to the subject of Artificial Intelligence in 10th grade. I gained interest quite quickly and performed relatively well in the class. In order to further better myself and learn more about AI, I applied to the 12 weeks AIYA (Artificial Intelligence Internship for Young Achievers) programme with the National University of Singapore(NUS) and Hewlett-Packard(HP) Enterprise in 11th grade and got selected. I got to learn about various topics such as machine learning, deep learning and python coding. Subsequently, I presented a business product as part of our group evaluation.

Using Microsoft Azure, a machine learning platform that a high school student can only dream of using, my team and I designed an algorithm to find the best wine quality for a premium Airplane First Class service and created a website called 'Winesta!'. It predicted wine quality which analyses various wine ingredient patterns. Not everything was smooth sailing, we spent countless nights of rewriting code again and again, only to find out that a semicolon was missing!! In the end, it all paid off when we put together a business pitch to promote our product, 'Winesta!'. To our pleasant surprise, we won the best project group and received letters of recommendation from HP and NUS!!

12 weeks, and 8 hours each weekend, total 60 hours of learning new skill, boosted my confidence and self-esteem.
Moreover, my grandmother had to sell her bangles so that she could have a roof over their heads and struggled to raise two children while my grandfather went to earn for the family. They fully supported my mother's decision to divorce and helped her raise me. They taught me to always be true to my roots and how important one's identity and culture is. Including but not limited to old Bollywood and Ghoomer (Rajasthani folk dance), my grandmother showered me with knowledge about Indian traditions and rituals.

In fact, when I was 10, she took me to my first kathak class where I completely fell in love with the Indian classical dance. I continued to learn it for 6 years and got my 3-year certification, called Praveshika Poorna, from the prestigious Gandharv Mahavidhlaya Mandal. I performed at various locations throughout my city including The Birla Planetarium, Shilparamam, and Shilpkala Vedika. I even choreographed for my school and performed at the IC3 (The Annual International Career & College Counselling Conference) held at Novotel Hotels.

Not being born with a silver spoon and the social stigma associated with growing up without a fatherly figure in a patriarchal society was a challenge that I had to navigate through. But independence to explore new skills and develop my talents to contribute to society helped me become the well-rounded personality I believe I am today. My family taught me to stay humble and the importance of resilience in my life. From my grandmother who sold her bangles to make a house, to my mother who got divorced just because she wanted to continue to work, I have become who I am today because of my family's experiences, challenges and achievements.

Pls help me revise this essay and reduce it to around 650 words.

Let me put it bluntly, the reviewer will not be interested in the life travails of your mother, grandmother, and grandfather. These are points of disinterest to them as they are not the applicants for the student slot. You are. So the essay should very well focus on you and you alone. Sure you can mention them, but only in passing, not as 50% of the paper presentation. The focus on your tenacity to work with a team to figure out the problem to a code is far more important to the reviewer than if your grandmother sold her bangles.

The family discussion presented does not focus on your background or identity as a person. It focuses on them instead so these have no place in this presentation. Do not mix up the presentation by including the family in the story. Rather, focus on explaining your interest and talent instead.

The coding problem is the most interesting aspect of this essay. Work on building up your individual and team contribution to finding the solution instead. Indicating if the program was marketable for actual use and if it was sold would best close this type of presentation as it presents the applicant at his strongest points possible.