Sep 13, 2009 #1
Please help me correct these grammar errors and suggestion for my essay is welcomed.
Prompt: Indicate a person who has had a significant influence on you, and describe that influence.
After a couple of days, I was used to the sunny Oregon mornings, sunny, and because of these gentle breezes, a little bit chilly to a Chinese student who for the first time in life joined a summer camp to America. America had been a dream for a little boy who could only imagine the wonder land according to the description given by the English teacher in class and I had expected the trip to be a wonderful and splendid journey.
Unfortunately, I soon found the trip cheerless. Having studied English for only 1 year, I had great difficulty communicating with any local American. I was trying to gain a spot in the pecking order in the student group. All the while, I remember suffering the rejection of most of my Chinese peers, being jeered in classes and declined in sports games. It was a time of wanting so much to be loved and accepted. To be loved and accepted seemed to me at the time something I could never achieve.
So I tried to concentrate on study. I listened to the teachers carefully in classes, I went far away from everyone to play on a swing. I thought I had tried my best to avoid acknowledging vulnerability, but I was surprised when a girl approached me and started a talk. She said to me something tender and consoling, something I had craved for a long time. She advised me to sit next to her in class. Her solicitude for my inner need really assuaged my sadness, my feelings of loneliness and melancholy.
From then on, we became good friends. We talked about every thing. My loneliness was gone. More importantly, I knew that someone who was my age cared about me.
One day when passing by a sugar machine, I saw several peers talking about something. At sight of me, they handed a sugar to me and asked me to eat it. No sooner than I put it into the mouth when I heard riotous laughter from these boys. Then I realized that the candy had fallen on the ground before it was picked up to mock me. I had no alternative but spit it out and stand there embarrassingly. At the time she came and made inquiries about what happened. Upon hearing it, she accused these boys of their despicable deeds. I had never heard a girl chiding, but her words did not sound rough at all. Yet to me they seemed to be the brightest light in the darkest night, bright enough to make me warm.
Later our teachers led us to go skating in a nearby skating rink. Being a green hand, I realized that I neglected to bring my gloves when the frigid air nipped at my nose, ears and bare hands. She again approached me, handed her gloves to me, and held my cool hands in her own beautiful ones, hands with blue veins clearly seen on the back of them, as if the white skin was almost too delicate to contain them. She taught me how to skate, and I enjoyed watching her skating like a butterfly on the pure ice. She was as beautiful as a butterfly. She helped me to get through my darkest times.
Then I realized that it was all about choice. She chose to offer me help, she chose to assist a lonely boy gain confidence again notwithstanding other students were cold and detached, and she chose to make life her own by following her inner voice.
For six years I have not only been intrepid in face of taunts and indignity, but also learnt to focus deep within myself and make more beneficial choices in my life. I keep in mind that one wills oneself to have life, in spite of what others think or say, and that even in the midst of winter, I could find within me an eternal spring.