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Common App essay- tell me if this is INTERESTING OR BORING. Thats all i want...


JYKHSH 2 / 1  
Jan 22, 2015   #1
While I was thinking about the topic of my college essay, I turned on the TV to take a break. The MLB playoff game between Oakland and Kansas City was on: Oakland was winning by four runs in the eighth. It seemed impossible for Kansas City to close the gap, but the Royals kept scoring, winning the game with the score of 9-8 in the 13th. While impressed with the Royal's efforts, this game reminded me of a similar game (though even more dramatic), I watched three years ago. People believe that miracles don't happen, which is why they give up easily. I didn't believe in miracles until I attended one fabulous baseball game that completely changed my mind. Even now, I shudder with excitement when I recall it.

In the bottom of the ninth, the Washington Nationals were losing to the Seattle Mariners by four runs. However, the first two batters got a hit and a walk, so there were now runners on first and second. The fans in the ballpark were all of a sudden jubilant, shouting, "Go, Nationals!" When the next hitter came up to the plate, a hush came over the stands: everyone stopped talking, putting their hands over their mouths.

The next batter was Ryan Zimmerman, a clutch-hitter. Unfortunately, he hit into a double play. The crowd grew so quiet that I wondered if the fans were really the same people from a few minutes before. More than half of them left their seats. Seeing no chance of winning the game, I thought about leaving, too. My mom's friend, who had brought me to the game, grabbed her husband's arm and said, "Honey, let's go!" He shook his head: "No, this game isn't over. We have one more out. Don't give up hope."

True, the game wasn't over, but who on earth thought they would score five runs with two outs? However, the Nationals showed their tenacity, hitting three consecutive singles. The score was now five to two, with runners on first and second. With one out left, Seattle changed their pitcher to their closer, Brandon League, but that couldn't stop the ignited Nationals. Danny Espinosa, the second baseman hit the first pitch and got an RBI single.

It was now a two-run game, but the Nationals still had a long way to go. With their eighth hitter, Wilson Ramos, up to the plate, the fans shouted, "Homer, Homer!" One more out or one home run: either way the game would be over.

The count got to one strike and one ball, and the next pitch was high. Ramos didn't miss. He smashed the ball: it kept going and going, then landed in the glove of a Nationals fan. The big screen glittered: Washington 6, Seattle 5.

When I reflect on this game, I think I learned what hope does for me. When I was younger, I was pessimistic and doubted myself and everything else. Whenever I tried to accomplish something, I would quit in the middle before I even tried my best. This one game changed my point of view. It taught me that it's never too late to try. If I had left, like most of the Nationals fans after Zimmerman's double play, I would not have this great memory. I witnessed this dramatic ending because I stayed. This game also, luckily, became my turning point-just before attending High School. Even though I knew that High School was going to be much harder than Middle School, I realized that nothing is impossible and it is stupid to give up before seeing the final results. This change even affects my process of college applications. I am applying to very good colleges that emphasize a rigorous education, are very hard to get in, and perhaps require better credentials than I have, but I believe that I have a shot if I still have hope.

Thanks in advance.
aarooj 1 / 1  
Jan 22, 2015   #2
It's very interesting. It's not an essay topic that's common.
OP JYKHSH 2 / 1  
Jan 22, 2015   #3
Ok Aarooj but can you be more specific? In what ways???
And I will read your essay now.
kibz95 16 / 53 15  
Jan 22, 2015   #4
This is a fine paper for a journal or even for a diary, but this is not an essay. 75% of your essay was about your memories of the game, although it included details, it doesn't persuade or bring out what you feel. If you want to make this writing into an essay, you should lengthen your conclusion. An essay portrays what you feel, or your opinions of a certain topic and you do that mostly on the conclusion. Your story telling was too long. You can use it as a hook for your introduction and use it to compare the peesimistic you from before and the optimistic you after. Hope this helps


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