Hey I need some help with this essay do you think it is creative enough and effective at giving insight into who I am as a person?
The coach turns on film as we sit quietly in the room. Players in their notorious green jersey's are dominating their opponents. Everyone watches analyzing each play down to the smallest of details. This week's opposing team has been called unbeatable, superior in talent, and is led by a star receiver headed to Notre Dame who is simply "Too quick". Apparently these sports critics did not get the memo that we are warriors. We will never quit as we use a combination of physical and mental skillk to outplay our adversaries.
The teacher enters the room while my fellow students and I sit restlessly as the projector is turned on. Numbers, formulas, and theorems, consume the screen. The teacher explains the new equations and while others moan about the difficulty I am already deep in thought. Some times my first attempt at these problems is a failure but I always try and try again. I refuse to give up no matter how foreign the concept may seem and learn through practice.
Practice. This is when we get better; this is when we win games. Those who have never played football have the misconception that the games are won on Friday and Saturday but those who have played know when victory is truly earned. It comes down to what you do when no one is watching. The individual who is willing to fight for that extra yard, who is willing to fully devote themselves to studying their opponents, who is willing to run those sprints at one hundred and ten percent, will walk away victorious.
Victory. It is often something which is hard to measure in a classroom. Some consider it as getting an "A" on a test but I view it as understanding the material beyond the classroom. Each day as class ends we are sent home with our nightly load of homework. Again, there are those who moan about completing the tedious material but I recognize the importance of it. Although I know that this work will never be graded it is in fact much more important than excelling on a test. The hours spent doing this work is what will allow me to truly understand information and apply it in everyday life.
Gameday. The time has finally come. We fiercely march out of our locker room as the war drums begin to beat. The Jaws theme song comes on and "Warriors come out to play!" We explode through the line of cheerleaders while the band and the fans go wild. Adrenaline races through us. This is what it comes down to. Us versus them. Who wants it more?
Test day. As the teacher hands out the tests I certainly want it. I want to see that one hundred on the top of my paper and I know that I will get it because of the time I have spent studying. It is when I leave the classroom that I will truly be tested. I enjoy applying the math learned in school to the outside world. Using it to figure out the tip at dinner, calculating certain distances, predicting what might happen in different scenarios. The question becomes can I do this? Am I good enough to practically apply the material on my own? We shall find out.
Their offense is on the one yard line and a score ties the game, it is up to the defense to make a stop. My dad complains about a problem he has been struggling with at work. From the sideline, the play is called in and I think of my assignment. I am told the troublesome problem and I think of the proper equation. The quarterback hikes the ball. I plug numbers into the formula. The running back tries to run up the middle but the hole is plugged; he bounces outside and is running towards me in open field. The numbers are properly placed, now just simple math, no stupid mistakes. The crowd goes silent. I distribute the negative. My arms extend. Cross multiply and solve. The ball carrier hits the ground. X equals...Victory.
physical and mental skillk to outplay our adversaries.
Fix that typo.
This essay is very abstract, because it does not seem to have a thesis statement. What is the profound truth at the heart of this essay? I see that victory is an important theme, so pehaps you can add a sentence to the END of the first paragraph to tell the reader that victory is not just about football or about academics; victory is the common denominator, the automatic QB that is ever-present in your state of mind both as a scholar and as an athlete.