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common app essay, topic of your choice ("Mona Lisa smiles")


lee337 /  
Jan 5, 2009   #1
this is my friend's essay, how do u think about it?
The other side of me

Mona Lisa smiles
I smile, too.
At least, Mona Lisa's smile is a suggestion of pleasure.
My smile is sometimes nothing more than just a simple movement of my lips. That's what I call a "fake smile". It used to change me into a callous monster full of spite inside. Fortunately, my best friend's words just helped me to be back to normal. Now I learned to balance between two sides of me -sincerity and sham.

That memorable afternoon was a sunny and windy one in the late autumn. In a small corner in Marie Curie school, I was persuading Thuy- the most popular girl in the class who always found her pleasure in boycotting others.

- Is it too rude if I suggest you to stop boycotting my friends?
- Hmm... Of course not, but why do you think I should stop that? They deserve it.
- No, I do think they don't deserve it. We are equal
- OK. U will be equal to them soon... haha...
The girl walked away, with a scary laughter, left me confused behind. Her words gave me a bad feeling, made me trembling inside for a few minutes.

" Anyway, I tried my best" I shrugged my shoulder, consoling my self. I went home, forgetting all about Thuy just as nothing happened.

The disaster just began in the next morning. Stepping into the classroom, I suddenly felt something unusual. Everyone was looking at me strangely, giving me a chill under my skin, which made me could hardly breath. Unexpectedly, Chi- my best friend grabbed my hand, took me out of the class just as taking me out of the gelidity of the hell. At the corridor, she gave me a serious look.

- Tell me you didn't hit and humiliate Thuy yesterday.
- Of course I didn't. You know I'm not that kind of person.
- Ok. I know you, and I believe you, but I don't think others in the class do.
In one second, I just realized my situation, understood the implication of Thuy's words. She fomented people to boycott me. I became the victim.

It was so innocent of me to reveal my thoughts and feelings to her, to believe I could persuade her to stop.
Standing at the class door, Thuy was staring at me, as a gesture of defying. I smiled at her, in spite of a huge rage inside, with the aim to show her that I'm not scared of her trivial tricks, that I will get my revenge.

She want a piece of me? Not a chance. She would know who I am.
After the incident, I began wearing an emotional mask, pretending to be affable to everyone even Thuy, in order to get their affection back. Although it took me a long time to achieve other's partiality, I succeeded. People's misunderstanding on me faded away, but my spite for Thuy has never. One day, like every ordinary day, I was listening to music in the break, waiting for the next class. By chance, I noticed Thuy's behavior was so suspicious. Under the desk, she was taking an Ipod out of Mai's bag. She didn't seem to realize my presence. An evil idea in my spiteful mind initiated. I smiled, knowing it was time for me to get my revenge.

The next day, hundreds copies of the photo which grabbed Thuy's stealing scene was available every where in the school, including the classrooms, the canteen, and even the toilets. It's needless to say what happen to Thuy then, but every one in the school discussed a lot about the un-known person who took and gave out the photo. I had no comment, but a delightful smile on face. Suddenly, Chi looked at me doubtfully, I was still smiling, but startled inside.

"You did it, didn't you?" Chi surprisingly asked me when we were doing homework together in my room.
"Yes." I replied with an amazing equanimity.
" You are not Tung I knew. My best friend is sometimes sly but never villainous. He never has fake smile on face like yours. Your fake smiles are so scary. You are a monster now." Chi shouted at me, nearly burst in tears.

My mouth and mind was totally stiff. I could say no word.
" Sometimes I wonder our if our friendship is fake or not."
The girl bitterly shouted the last words, just like clapping on my face, and left me alone with my tons of confusing feelings. I thought I was superior to Thuy's behaviors just proved that I'm nothing more than a trivial villain like her. I thought I was the winner, but no one won this stupid game, all were losers. I was terribly wrong. Wearing an emotional mask just harm both my feelings and other's feelings, too.

"La la la...
Sincerity in stead of sham
You are the one I should fall for
I don't want to pretend any more..."
An unknown melody was sung somewhere, breezing to my soul. I suddenly realized it was not too late. I took a deep breath, cast my eyes through the window, determined to correct my mistakes. Out there, at the horizon the sun wasn't down completely, but giving its last rays of lights for the day. It was not too late for everything. Through the violet light of the sunset, I saw myself smiling at Thuy again, with a sincere tolerance and willing to help this time

shine lee 1 / 36  
Jan 6, 2009   #2
"Sometimes I wonder our if our friendship is fake or not."
The girl bitterly shouted the last words, just like clapping on my face, and left me alone with my tons of confusing feelings. I thought I was superior to Thuy's behaviors just proved that I'm nothing more than a trivial villain like her. I thought I was the winner, but no one won this stupid game, all were losers. I was terribly wrong. Wearing an emotional mask just harms both my feelings and other's feelings, too.

"La la la...
Sincerity in stead of sham
You are the one I should fall for
I don't want to pretend any more..."
An unknown melody was sung somewhere, breezing to my soul. (Not necessary, make no sense)


I suddenly realized it was not too late. I took a deep breath, cast my eyes through the window, then determined to correct my mistakes. Out there, at the horizon the sun wasn't down completely, but giving its last rays of lights for the day. It was not too late for everything. Through the violet light of the sunset, I saw myself smiling at Thuy again, with a sincere tolerance and willing to help this time.
EF_Sean 6 / 3,491  
Jan 6, 2009   #3
Interesting essay. A different and sincerely written topic. Good job. Be careful, though, with your word order. Just because a sentence is grammatically correct doesn't make it strong stylistically. So, as an example, consider "An evil idea in my spiteful mind initiated." This is grammatically correct, but the word order and choice of diction makes it awkward to follow. Better would be "An evil idea arose in my spiteful mind," which is much easier on the reader.
icemaster2340 14 / 34  
Jan 6, 2009   #4
heres some suggestions.

At least Mona Lisa's smile is a suggestion of happiness.

My smile is sometimes nothing more than just a simple movement of my lip muscles. That's what I call a "fake smile". On the outside, I seemed like your everyday optimist, but inside me, a dark side is always whispering words of contempt and malice. It had changed me into a cold and callous monster full of spite inside. Fortunately, my best friend's words had helped me to be back to normal. Now I learned to balance between two sides of me -sincerity and sham. Just like Ying and Yang

Well, thats all i got. Maybe I overdid it a little on the inner feelings... watch too many movies for my own good.


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