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Common app a topic of your choice - 'It's normal to die.'


SarahAlmousa 1 / -  
Dec 13, 2011   #1
It happened in my home country Saudi Arabia , year 2005 .I was 11 years old trying to sleep when I heard about Fahad's death.I knew he was dead. I felt sick, cold, disbelief , and that feeling of terror . I began to have flashbacks and horrible feelings of guilt because of the precious moments I wasted when my brother was alive .This was really so painful for me and my entire family. It was so tragic, so sudden.

He was a bright and wonderful person, intelligent, with such potential to the world and to those around him. Everyone who knew my brother was touched by his deep kindness, his concern for each person he met, and the depth of his love and care for humankind. He was one of those incredible people who know what it is to live in a state of compassion, literally changing the lives of those who even briefly had a chance to meet him. The kindness he has shown will not be forgotten . In fact I'm certain that he has impacted this world in ways far beyond what he could have imagined. As he was studying in Jordan , he shared his gifts of gentleness and understanding with whomever he encountered.

I'm stronger than so many people who were in my place . I know my strength gives strength to my family , so it's best to be strong.More than other people comforting me, it was my own brain that kept telling me that I can handle it and I'm strong enough. This didn't just happen over night, I have been cultivating thoughts for over a long time now. If we really believe in something , then we can feel it. If we keep thinking positively, our life would eventually take a positive turn. Another way we trick our brain is to keep it busy, we can just dodge thoughts and divert focus. I'm pretty sure my brother is in a better, happy place.

The whole experience changed my life. I know I'm a completely different person than I would otherwise have been.I think because I had to think about death so young that I am less scared of dying. People don't face it until they're older. It became so real to me in a young age that it's part of the cycle. It's normal to die. Everyone wil die eventually. The experience made me focus more on my school work . It also made me make a commitment to work my best and never give up . I lost him in body but his spirit didn't just affect me, it is really a part of me. I still have my memories that are with him.These memories are carried with me , and when I have to step back and make a tough decision, I let them guide me towards the path that makes my life best.
collegesearcher 3 / 20  
Dec 13, 2011   #2
I am really sorry about your brother; I hope you find solace and secure admission to the college of your choice. I came across some grammatical errors that you might consider:

In fact I'm certain that he has impacted this world in ways far beyond what he could have imagined. n fact, I'm certain that he has touched this world in ways far beyond his imagination.just tried to reduce the wordiness and added a comma. also, using "impact" as a verb is risky and should be limited to wisdom teeth. I looked it up :)

I'm stronger than so many people who were in my place . I'm stronger than so many people who might have been in my place .

Another way we trick our brain is to keep it busy, we can just dodge thoughts and divert focus. Another way we trick our brain is by keeping it busy; we dodge our thoughts and divert our focus.

I think because I had to think about death so young that I am less scared of dying. I think that the thought of death at such a young age made me less fearful of it..

I know I'm a completely different person than I would otherwise have been. I know I'm a completely different person than what I would have been otherwise.

It also made me make a commitment to work my best and never give up. It also made me make a commitment to work my best and to never give upadd a "to" before "never give up" to maintain the parallel structure.

I still have my memories that are with him. My memories of him are still intact.

These memories are carried with me , and when I have to step back and make a tough decision, I let them guide me towards the path that makes my life best. These memories are carried with me , and when I have to step back and make a tough decision, I let them guide me towards the path that makes my life worth it."Best" sounded a little awkward, and "worth it" changes the effect; someone else might not agree, but then again, I am just making a suggestion :)

That is a really touching essay Sarah. Good work :)


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