Please provide a statement that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve. You can type directly into the box, or you can paste text from another source. (250-650 words)
"Thank you fore beng my freind." On the carefully hand-written farewell card, two stick figures were holding hands; "Nim" and "Sol Bee" were written on top of their disproportionally big heads.
As a high school student in Thailand, I was able to volunteer as Nim's "buddy" for three years at Agape Home, an orphanage for HIV positive children. Nim barely spoke English, and I barely spoke Thai; lacking a common language, we used everything else- body motions, facial expressions, and even weird expressive sounds-to converse with one another. During those three years, she felt my love, and I felt her gratitude.
Through my relationship with Nim, I learned the importance of the desire to communicate, more so than the method of communication. I realized that communication is not just a one-way bombardment of information, but rather, a shared experience that entails mutual understanding.
At university, I continued to realize the powerful potential of shared communication, whether for writing essays, making a speech, or even forming and maintaining relationships. I enjoyed courses that focused on debating and analyzing current issues - learning about "why we do what we do" in cultural contexts was fascinating.
As my interest slowly shifted from fine arts to communications, I became involved with global NGO Liberty in North Korea. Wanting to share the true story of North Korea to my friends, I invited LiNK representatives to speak at our university. I immediately took to promoting by posting on social media, spreading posters all across campus, and setting an information table to attract students. I remember painstakingly placing hundreds of flyers into individual student and faculty mailboxes, with the hopes that one more person would be reached.
One month later, my heart surged with delight to see over 50 students and faculty sitting in the room, attentively listening to the story of my divided neighbors, the North Korean people. The presentation finally came to a close, and as excited students left the room with a newfound perception about North Korea, I left with a newfound goal in life: to dedicate my education to help people who are persecuted, powerless, and in need of help.
And serving as LiNK's President at our university, I experienced the powerful potential of various communication tools to raise awareness, change perspectives, and rouse people to action. I also learned that understanding the audience is key to effective communication. Hence, I am looking for institutions with a strong interdisciplinary communication studies program that push students to think critically and analytically. My desire is to study with a focus in cultural communications and media studies to better prepare myself for a rapidly globalizing and technologically advancing world. I also wish to learn and explore beyond the confines of a classroom. Hence, I am looking for institutions that have local as well as international connections that will open wide doors for research and internship opportunities.
Ultimately, I wish to learn at a place where I can stretch my brain-where students from around the globe learn and grow together, and world-class faculty foster students to look beyond the limits within their walls. I believe that the bigger the pond, the more I will learn, and the more prepared I will be of bettering this world through communicative methods.
As I remember Nim, I want to thank her for being my friend. Even though she was scarred physically as well as emotionally, she slowly, but willingly, opened her heart to me. As I go out into the world, I know some may lack the desire to listen; but I have a passion-to communicate an important message-and I will struggle, fight, and push on to make known the atrocities that are overlooked and the voices that need to be heard, with the hope that step-by-step, this world will become a better place.
Please give positive critique on anything-- grammar, organization, flow, creativity, effectiveness, etc.-- that could improve.
Hi Sol Bee, I really liked your essay. You answered all the questions clearly, minor changes are there. Also, do combine your paragraphs, rather than writing in lines.
......disproportionate big heads....
And Serving as LiNK's ........
...is a key to effective .......
Hi Sol, as much as I love reading your essay, I feel like it has way too much content and the reader has to wait too long to actually get to the point and be able to understand the purpose of the essay.
Now going back to the way the essay is written, remember the goal is to prove your worth of transferring to another institution and be able to carry the name of the university up to standard. The essay you wrote is good, conversational and it writes a story, however, there is just too much paragraph wasted and unnecessary information mentioned in the essay that will be more helpful in your future writing but not in this transfer essay.
I hope this insights helped and I wish to read your revised essay very soon, when you do write your revision, mind the amount and the relevance of the information you include in the essay.
