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Common App Transfer Essay- The storm is now sunshine


peacelovesarah 5 / 11  
Feb 19, 2010   #1
Please provide a statement (250 words minimum) that addresses your reasons for transferring and the objectives you hope to achieve.

The sunrise was a peculiar red that morning in the end of June, and I recalled that there was a distinctive circle on the moon the night before. I knew instinctively that could only mean one thing; a storm was on its way. The sky became dark and the ominous clouds began moving in. Things were about to change drastically.

I decided to graduate one year prematurely; I had brought this storm upon myself. I was confident in my decision until that day in June when I was shaking from the nerves of walking in front of a crowd of one thousand people to receive my diploma. I had never been nervous of attention before; why now, after countless speeches had been delivered and dance recitals had been performed? This time, I was nervous for another reason; I was about to wander down a path I had never been down before, and I would be venturing on this journey alone.

When the first day of September rolled around, I was college bound whether I was ready or not. I still looked up and saw the dark clouds, it seemed as if they had never left. I was no longer returning to Kings Park High School like the previous three years. I was no longer walking past familiar faces in the hallway. To put it plainly; I was lonely.

With time to adjust to my new college and the new life it created for me, I realized that I was getting even more than I imagined out of college. I met new people from all over New York and I even made two friends who are from Shanghai, China. My professors pushed me further than I thought possible; I had to push myself to get the grades I wanted in a more challenging educational setting. What I found most remarkable was my intellectual curiosity. Taking a course in the Romantic Arts made me realize my appreciation of artwork and poetry, a course in Public Speaking made me realize my love of the subject. I was discovering new passions with each successive semester. I had found something that I lacked during high school: a true love of learning. It was no longer a chore; it was something I looked forward to.

I began my college career by taking Liberal Arts and Sciences coursework which has given me insight into subjects varying from biology to communication. But as a sophomore in college, it is time to look ahead into my future. I know what my passion is, and I would not be satisfied with any other major besides Political Science. A few courses in politics reaffirmed my thoughts that Political Science was my calling. There was one barrier, though: there is no Political Science major at my college. I could not let this stop me from following my dream and my passion.

Deciding to leave the college where I have spent the past two years has not been easy. I know it is easy to stick with things that we are comfortable with, the people and places that we know best. I know my way around campus, I know many professors, and I have formed close friendships with countless students. I know that staying at my college to attain a Bachelor's degree would be simple, but by doing that I would be cutting myself short of my potential. By settling with one of the fields that my school offers, I would be would be setting myself up for a less than enthusiastic and rewarding education and career to follow.

I hope that by transferring, I will be able to explore my passion in depth among others who share the similar interest. I will have the opportunity to take a variety of classes within my major, while also getting internships and conducting research within the field. Transferring will open me up to a new world; a new place to call home, a new curriculum, and new people to meet. This time, I have made my decision to attend a new school wholeheartedly. I have no doubts that I will thrive at a new college that can accommodate my academic interests. I'm not scared, I'm ready and enthusiastic. I've grown since that dark, June day; I'm confident, independent, and ready to start a new chapter. The storm is long gone, the skies are clear and blue, with sunshine beaming; success awaits me.

I'm applying to Brown University, Amherst College, Barnard College, Columbia University, Hampshire College, UMass Amherst, and NYU. I appreciate any input!
drahul91 - / 2  
Feb 19, 2010   #2
For transfer essays, you should personalize them for each college by adding a paragraph or so. Explain why you chose that specific college and what you hope to gain form attending that college.

For example, I am transfering to UT Austin and one of the reasons I want to transfer is because of the research opportunities, and the different cultural activities available there.

Overall, the essay is good.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Feb 20, 2010   #3
I had never been nervous of because of receiving attention; before why now, after countless speeches had been delivered and dance recitals had been performed?

With time to adjust to my new college and the new life it created for me, I realized that I was ...---- now, in this paragraph you have to start taking about your objective. Impress them with your clearly envisioned plan. I like the intro that culminated with a confession that you were lonely, but after that you should give a paragraph of reasons for transferring that are all related to your career goals and interests.

This whole paragraph should be cut: I began my college career by taking Liberal Arts and Sciences coursework which has ...no Political Science major at my college. I could not let this stop me from following my dream and my passion.--- this paragraph is not really helpful. I hope you will tell them what decision you came to instead of taking them through the process of decision-making, and focus on telling them your objectives.

:-)
veroniquexie 1 / 7  
Feb 21, 2010   #4
Sarah,

Thanks for your comment on my essay. I didn't realize that you are applying to Hampshire(where I'm currently enrolled) :)

Let me know if I can be of any help. Feel free to add me on Facebook: yx08 at hampshire.edu
afurgeson 2 / 11  
Feb 21, 2010   #5
Overall, I think this essay is very strong. I would suggest cutting the metaphor about the weather. I don't think it quite fits in with your larger message and it comes off as a bit unnatural. To me, it sounds like you are trying to distinguish yourself with a fancy writing technique rather than distinguishing yourself with a clearly defined reason that you are a good candidate for admission.

In place of the metaphor, I would spend some time talking about why you want to study political science. Be specific about what you want to learn, what you want to do and what impact you want to have.

You are taking a brave step by transferring, so your motivation must be a powerful one. Share this powerful motivation with the admissions committee!

Good Luck!


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