Unanswered [2] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 6

common appl short answer on martial arts


l3goals12 7 / 18  
Sep 17, 2009   #1
I was pretty scared the first day I attended my first martial arts class. The teachers were stern and grim-looking...But that was eight years ago. After several years of hard practice I have developed fighting abilities and been awarded a brown belt which makes me more confident in walking badly lit streets at night. However I still very much dread going to my martial arts class.

Given that I have been unable to add bravery to my list of qualities I have learnt to live with my fears. During those eight years I have been faced to opponents much stronger than me and have been beaten to pulp more times than I dare mention. During those fights I have learnt to keep my fear in check and to always stay on my feet. Today I can analyse a situation and make a rational decision even under the most stressful conditions.

thanks in advance for any advice on how to improve :-)
EF_Simone 2 / 1,986  
Sep 17, 2009   #2
"Pretty" is a weak modifier. Choose something stronger for your first sentence, which needs to make an impact. Otherwise, this short piece is fine for its purpose.
OP l3goals12 7 / 18  
Sep 17, 2009   #3
hey that was pretty quick.thanks a lot;-)
Liebe 1 / 542 2  
Sep 17, 2009   #4
During those fights I have learnt to keep my fear in check and to always stay on my feet

^Do you mean this literally, as in, staying on your feet by standing and not falling down?

Today I can analyse a situation and make a rational decision even under the most stressful conditions.

^How? I can not identify a link between this statement and your essay.

Your essay could use some polishing.
zhoudongzhou 5 / 16  
Sep 17, 2009   #5
pretty is not stronger.

I think using "very " is much better.
dj1126 /  
Sep 19, 2009   #6
Overall, a very fun essay to read. Just edit the things the others want you to fix and you're good to go.


Home / Undergraduate / common appl short answer on martial arts