Prompt: Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
Any advice is welcome!
Thanks
Growing up as an atheist in a community of super-religious Mormons, it was difficult to not feel excluded. On Sundays, I could ride my bike down the largest roads in town because, quite simply, there was nobody driving around. All my friends and their families were in church, which left me alone in rural suburbia wondering why I was different than everyone else.
In Smithfield, where I was raised, an overwhelming majority of the population was Mormon and they were such a closely knit community that it was very difficult for anyone to fit in without being a devout member of the church. My father was once a Mormon, but had since grown a grudge against anyone who even mentioned religion and my mother had abandoned her faith after a childhood spent in Catholic schools. I, as a child, was torn between the beliefs of my family and my community and confused as to why I felt pressured to choose one over the other.
I had many an awkward conversation with my friends who tried every week or so to "save me" and there came a point at which I was almost willing to convert just to fit in. The desire to be accepted by my community was so overwhelming that I joined the local church-affiliated scout troop, knowing all too well that I would be a prime target for even more pressure to integrate into the church culture. However, the more meetings I attended and the more hymns I sang, the less comfortable I felt in my community. It gradually became clear that though my lack of membership in the church would always serve as a barrier to being accepted by some, my true friends could see past our ideological differences. No longer did the empty streets on Sunday seem so depressing, for Mormonism was no longer an entity that needed to be embraced or fought, but was simply a part of the world around me. I never concluded that my parents were right and my friends were wrong or that religion was foolish and not something I should embrace, but rather that the only way to happiness was peaceful coexistence and being comfortable with oneself.
The lessons I learned from my childhood experiences in Utah allow me to better accept the beliefs of others. One person can never judge another based upon their beliefs because each person in unique and I try and make every effort to not impose my principles upon others. After fourteen years in Utah, my family moved to Raleigh, North Carolina. I was amazed by the immense socioeconomic, racial and ideological diversity and the ability of those around me to accept it. I am proud that I have learned to accept others for who they are and I strive to always act in a way that I see as right instead of conforming to the beliefs of others.
All my friends and their families were in church, and that left me alone in rural suburbia wondering why I was different than everyone else.
And for the first sentence I think should be catchier like
I was an athiest surrounded by mormons
However, the more meetings I attended and the more hymns I sang, the less comfortable I felt in my community. <-- I'm not sure if this fits with the message you are conveying?
I couldnt find any other grammatical errors. Hope I helped!
Growing up as an atheist in a community of super-religious Mormons, made it difficult not to feel excluded.
One person can never judge another based upon their beliefs because each person is unique, and I try to make every effort to not impose my principles upon others.
Other than these picky little tweaks, I could find nothing wrong.
Good luck in school, nice essay:)
growing up as an athiest in a community of orthodox Mormons made it difficult not to feel excluded.
just try another word than "super-religious," it's a little "teen-speaky"
the essay is good!
mormons are crazy
good luck!
What a weird coincidence. I am correcting essays here at the library, and just as I got to yours, a super-religious person came up and tried to save my soul for almost a half hour!
I listened for as long as he wanted to talk, because although I am not particularly Christian, I do have a spiritual practice that is rooted in that experience of transcendence that we all have from tie to time. Religious people who try to save everybody must have had that spiritual experience...and that experience is what is most important. Words are a difficult means of communication, though, and I think that atheists might be so busy asserting that there is no god that they might miss the real spiritual experience if they are not careful.
I would rather be a super-religious person than an atheist, but the most important thing is to practice meditation! That is just what I think...
My father was once a Mormon, but had since grown a grudge against anyone who even mentioned religion; my mother had abandoned her faith after a childhood spent in Catholic schools.
Oh, I can't find any errors! You are a good writer!!
i love this essay
i tried to write an essay on atheism myself..but it was hard to make it politically correct and i was afraid of insulting the admissions officers. but you make it very personal and not insulting at all which is quite an achievement imo.
Good job. which uni are you applying to?
I forget to mention that, in the first paragraph, you should add a fourth sentence: let that last sentence tell what the main truth of the essay is. Sum up the whole essay in a single sentence and tell it in that 4rth sentence of the first paragraph. Then, remind the reader of this truth again in the conclusion, after it has been explained in the body of the essay.
