Unanswered [6] | Urgent [0]
  

Home / Undergraduate   % width Posts: 5


Common application - "my passion for economics" (topic 6)


MrOrange 1 / 3  
Dec 28, 2010   #1
Option #6. Topic of your choice.

My Passion for Economics. (I'll think about a better title)

I was fascinated by the world of business and economics for a long time now. So complex, but simultaneously so simple, it caught my attention as a child and still keeps it. Being a little boy, I first felt interested in the topic and was doing much to expend my knowledge of it ever since.

My parents, though not telling me about it, raised me to become a businessman. During the course of time, my dad has owed a warehouse, a small furniture shop, a perfumes retailing company, and now a furniture wholesale firm. At age of seven, I visited factories, warehouses and shops with my father, who wanted me to learn about the importance of hard work and give me "the flavor of entrepreneurship." I was also spending much time in the office with my mom, an accountant, watching mysterious operations, strange charts and papers I understood nothing in. Nevertheless, I liked all this. I asked a lot of questions and tried to understand how everything worked. My parents' plan has worked out: I became curious about business and economics, I still am.

My life went on, and it was time to select a high school major. Maybe "select" doesn't fully expresses the meaning here. Most high school students in Russia do not choose courses to attend, following universal curriculum. However, in some schools, special groups of major students can be created. Their curricula are broader, with some additional subjects and advanced study of others. I liked it, but in order such group to be created, we needed 20 students willing to major in economics. At that time there were only three, which made such group very unlikely. Coveting this major, I decided to take actions: I have convinced the school administration to reduce the quota to 15 and started talking other students into choosing this major. Turned out many of them actually liked the idea, but were hesitating or just didn't know about it. I helped many of them to make this decision. Finally, I have got what I wanted - now I was studying economics in school.

After several weeks of studying in economics, I have become the best in the class. That year I first won the regional competition in economics. Being a junior, I was even better than the seniors were. Soon, the school was not enough for me: I started reading a lot of textbooks, buying Financial Times, Wall Street Journal and Forbes. Rare representatives of the free press, they turned out to be much more interesting than I thought - I really liked them. I also found a great opportunity to broaden my knowledge in the free university lectures, available online on YouTube. I considered myself very good in economics, though I was never fully satisfied.

I have spent this summer combining self-education with the most responsible job in my life - an accountant at the family business. For the last few years, it was all right for me to help my parents here and there: call the dealer, send a fax, fill up a declaration - such things were common. But now it was different - my mother, a family business accountant, was offered a job with a better pay. We decided, it would be better to accept the offer and to hire someone else. I saw a great opportunity - it takes time to find a qualified specialist, and I needed a summer job. At first, my father hesitated, but I convinced him to agree. I got the job. I think it's time to say, what our firm was doing. We were buying furniture, delivering and installing it for large corporate orders. It is a business of pretty big turnover, I had to work with tens of thousands of dollar. That, of course, was making my job very responsible. For the first few weeks, it was extremely difficult: I knew some basics, but I had to rely on my mother a lot - after all, there is a reason people study accounting in college. However, after a month, my mother's help had dwindled to only checking the most important documents, and after two, I worked alone... and enjoyed it. My old interest stepped to the new level.

Half a year ago I decided, I must try stock trading. So, I went to my father and asked him to start a broker account. My target was valuable experience, not money. The markets were recovering, so I knew that it was a perfect time to start. I began in September with $500, I have earned during the summer. By November, it grew up to approximately $800, which is almost 25% a month. To say that I felt great is to say nothing: my target was not to lose too much, but a profit - I couldn't believe it! For myself, I was a financial wizard. I even started thinking of a stock trader as a possible career. I loved the stock market.

I have always felt interested in business and economics. This interest developed gradually: with every event described above, it shifted to a new level. I think the next step should logically be studying this sphere in college. Though the school, self-education and work experience gave me a lot, I believe I need the university to continue the studies of my beloved subjects.

Please help me improve it. It is 883 words long, so I think it should be cut. Please give me some advise on better introduction and conclusion. English is my second language, so, please, be critical about incorrect word use or awkward phrasing. Thank you in advance.
iamesthere 4 / 15  
Dec 28, 2010   #2
Overall I think it was a great start! I could tell from reading it that you have a deep passion for economics and it showed. I just think you need to fix some grammatical errors, here are some:

Corrections:
1)I was fascinated by the world of business and economics for a long time now...
You could state: I have always been fasinated by ... since I was a child, and to this day I still am because ...
2) Being a little boy, I first felt interested in the topic and was doing much to expend my knowledge of it ever since.
Use did much, instead of doing much, and expand is spelled incorrectly
3) At age of seven. Just use "At seven" or "By seven"
4) Maybe "select" doesn't fully expresses the meaning here. Use express (singular)
5) I believe I need the university to continue the studies of my beloved subjects.
Use: I believe with a college education I will be able to continue...
Great job!
Would you mind reading my colorado college essay? :)
OP MrOrange 1 / 3  
Dec 30, 2010   #3
Thank you! someone else?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Jan 10, 2011   #4
It's better to trim away the extra words:
I became curious about business and economics. I still am.

Turned out (This is not quite correct) Just start it this way: Many of them actually ...

You did a great job with this. When I began reading, my attention was divided, but then I became so interested that I had to really slow down and enjoy all of it. I guess, if you need to cut some, you will have to choose the least important sentence from each paragraph and kill it. Kill them mercilessly; you write well, but brevity and efficiency are important, too. I got the job. Some sentences are meaningful to you but not to the reader; revise according to the way the reader will feel every step of the way.

:-)
OP MrOrange 1 / 3  
Jan 10, 2011   #5
Thank you, Kevin


Home / Undergraduate / Common application - "my passion for economics" (topic 6)
Writing
Editing Help?
Fill in one of the forms below to get professional help with your assignments:

Graduate Writing / Editing:
GraduateWriter form ◳

Best Essay Service:
CustomPapers form ◳

Excellence in Editing:
Rose Editing ◳

AI-Paper Rewriting:
Robot Rewrite ◳