Common application (my IT skills)

Which of these texts is the best? Or aren't they good at all. They aren't gramatically perfect, though I am asking about the contents. If they are so bad, how should I try to elaborate an essay like that?

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

In the period from 10th grade to 12th I have decided to elaborate my IT skills on more academic fields. Since then it was thesaurus, online school newspaper & essays shop that I have developed. As though it would be not enough, I got inspiration as they became more and more known and I had to spend time probably not reasonable for scholar extracurricular activities. However, expected or not, my academic achievements didn't go down; ironically they went skyrocket up having in mind the time I spend "learning". Seems like while collecting database for thesaurus, my Lithuanian language dictionary expanded colossally and while writing articles for newspaper and reviewing essays for mistakes I learned more and more vivid information then ever which helped me latter, during the test works. My guess is that I think it was then that I understood the power of liberal arts.

This is not an activity upon which I have briefly discussed in a previous data, though it was of significant meaning. It has happened on December, 2009; together with a girl in the class we have given a project for school musical play on send-off occasion. I remember all the small stuff I had to do: organize the original script of the Queens WWRY, translate it, design the awarding medal for school-leavers. On 10 February 2009, 6:00 PM the show has started. The moment curtains had dropped my interview for ROTARY scholarship was over. Ironically, I was the only person not to see the show & the camera man forgot to turn on the recorder. I guess what I have learned here was that it is not important to be the man in the spotlight to be happy. Sometimes it's good feeling just to read about what you have done.

After I have turned Art school for exact sciences, naturally many things had to change. You'd think that it would be a breeding-ground for programming to finally take over any other interests, and yet nothing of the kind has happened. It turned out that while in mathematicians school I've began to participate in more vivid range of contest and then, surprisingly, new surroundings helped me to understand the value of what I have been thought. I have begun surprising my friends with presents of my own creation, while school administration thanked me for each award that I brought to school. And as for today, various forms of art I try to attune while working or doing algebra. Imagine how much I have saved since 10th grade on pairs of compasses.

what is IT


I'm confused


phrasing is strange


take out expected or not


i get the irony.. but what do you mean by that latter part


run-on? I don't get the whole picture here. why are you writing about all these things? For draft 1, make sure tense is consistent. also, make sure you focus on one part...IT? what is that, what did you do with it, what did you learn? etc

draft 2...I'm lost. sorry, I dont see the point of saying...this was something I did that meant a lot. maybe rephrase? I'm confused...seriously

Ok...So I'm guessing you're either ESL...or I'm just not getting what you're going at. The idea in the third draft is somewhat there...but I don't get an overall epiphany.. what did you do? make art pictures using a compass? program things on a computer to draw circles? pray tell. I'll try helping you with a solid idea. but i need the idea and the points first.

EDIT* Ah. I see..content.

about your first one, make sure you lay out what you want to talk about, then describe what that activity was (briefly if it is obvious), then elaborate on what you learned, how it affected you, maybe why it is important to you...maybe same for the other ones.

As far as I see, you didn't like previous variants. So I have decided to start a new one. And by the way IT abbreviation stands for Internet technologies, and I am not a native English speaker, though I wouldn't want that it would be *seen* in my essay.

My studies subject is Economics and politics. And I have to write a short, 150 words long essay on topic ...

In the space provided below, please elaborate on one of your activities (extracurricular, personal activities, or work experience)(150 words or fewer).

During summer 2008 I have developed a hotels administration system. Later that year I have already sold 10 copies of the system then known as Hotels Publisher. Getting to know with owners of nationwide known hotels was of particular interest for me. One day the owner of A HOSTEL group invited me to his office. That day he asked "What is your big plan for the life?" There was a moment of silence and before letting me to say anything he interrupted me and added him seeing big potential in me and asked me to work for him for a few years. It is most rewarding part of any experience when someone truly shows that he admires your work, not to compare to any mark that you would get in school.

-- Am I still off-topic here?

<you mean a hotel administration system to manage hotels? cool>


<did the name change to something other than Hotels Publisher? If not, then take out then>



<why is hostel capitalized? and why not combine this with the next sentence?>


if you want, combine with previous sentence using a semicolon. if you dont want to, leave it.


[after a moment of silence, he interrupted me and added that he saw big potential in me. He then asked me to work for him for a few years.]


Good idea here. nice conclusion. [The most rewarding part of any experience such as this was that someone admired my work and did not just compare it to marks that someone could get in school] <maybe?< I'm not sure I got your whole idea there.>

Comments: there's more content here. yes you ARE ON topic. If you want, add something about what you did for that employer or what you learned. just some ideas.

During summer 2008 I have developed a hotels administration system. Later that year I had already sold ten copies of the system -- then known as Hotels Publisher. Getting to know with owners of nationally known hotels was of ...

...and before letting me to say anything he interrupted me and added a remark that he could see big potential in me; he asked me to work for him for a few years. It is most rewarding part of any ...

Very good! This is expressed very nicely. I just made a few corrections.