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Common Application Essay: Specific Background/Interest


rowlieflores 1 / 1  
Sep 2, 2017   #1
Instructions: Some students have a background, identity, interest, or talent that is so meaningful they believe their application would be incomplete without it. If this sounds like you, then please share your story.

I remember on the way home from a track meet, my phone lighting up in the small pocket of my duffel bag and as I grab my phone out of my duffel bag the word "Mama" was written across the screen. There was only one question in my mind at that moment, which was should I answer it or not? It's high school and, I cared about what my peers thought of me. Surely, I was embarrassed of being called or thought of as a mama's boy, but I was afraid of having others hear me talk in a different language. So I ignore the call and depend heavily on the, "Sorry, I fell asleep on the bus ride home," line, which most times ended with no further questions being asked.

Many of my friends knew that I am an immigrant from the Philippines; some knew that I was bilingual, however, only a few has ever heard me talk in Tagalog. In our current generation, only certain languages were deemed attractive by my friends, which were Spanish and French. Well, I don't speak Spanish and I always believed that Asian languages were inferior because it wasn't spoken much here in Hawaii or pretty much anywhere I've visited.

That same mindset of being afraid of talking in Tagalog stayed with me until my junior year when I took a class called Modern Hawaiian History. My teacher, who was Taiwanese, is not fluent in Chinese and would also be envious with the fact that I was bilingual, even though I don't speak Tagalog much. He always reminded me and other bilingual students to embrace our own cultures and be proud we were able to speak a different language. At first, I didn't realize what he meant. Then, his lessons about the overthrow of the Hawaiian monarchy and the decline of the Hawaiian culture impacted me. How? With the overthrow, people stopped speaking Hawaiian and after decades, the culture is now endangered; even up to this day. I am lucky to be bilingual because Hawaiians today would love to have the same ability I have. If only they were able to speak their language, maybe the Hawaiian culture would still be thriving. However, being an immigrant, I try very hard to assimilate and fit in with my peers, that means most times I don't realize I'm taking my culture for granted.

I am an immigrant and being 5,455 miles away from my native country makes it extremely difficult to have ties to the culture in which I was born and raised. The food and the tradition could be easily done all around the world regardless which ethnicity you are, but the language you speak reflects on your culture and who you are. My language is a constant reminder of my values, my commitment as a Catholic and who I truly am. Since I immigrated to Hawaii, I lived two different identities: one, that spoke English in public and the other, being a fluent Tagalog speaker at home.

If one day, I had forgotten how to speak in Tagalog, then that does not only make my application incomplete but my identity with it. Maybe it doesn't sound romantic or attractive like French or Spanish. Maybe it doesn't seem up to this generation. But I was fortunate enough to have lived the best of both worlds, which is a lesson that I wish I had learned earlier on in my life. Now, when I see the word "Mama" on my phone screen, I'll make sure to answer the call and speak with my native tongue proudly.

This is the essay that I'm using for my common application. I do feel that it needs a lot of improvements so all suggestions are welcome. I've pretty good with criticism. Thank you in advance.
Holt  Educational Consultant - / 14,767 4770  
Sep 2, 2017   #2
Rowlie, you won't believe how many essays I have edited both on this forum that speak of the same thing. The bilingual background of the person in relation to their personal identity. It is a tired and often times, boring essay for the reviewers to read already. Your story is similar to the countless other bilingual immigrants in the United States today. It doesn't make your application stand out. It just makes it "one of those" or "like many others" coming from immigrant applicants to college. Rather than discussing your background, perhaps you have a unique interest or talent that you can discuss instead? Normally, it is the character of a person that catches the eye of the reviewer, not the background. The background essay, in your case, sounds too similar to the countless other immigrant background essays that will be and have been submitted for review. Since you want your essay to pop in the eyes of the reviewer, it would be best to go for something more uncommon in the discussion. A talent or an interest in particular field that is not related to your chosen major for instance, would make excellent topic replacements for your consideration. This current essay just doesn't stand out. It is not that your background is not good. It just that it is too similar to the stories of other immigrant students. It will be hard to differentiate you from the other applicants if you use this essay for your application.
OP rowlieflores 1 / 1  
Sep 2, 2017   #3
@Holt - Thanks so much for the help! It's greatly appreciated. I was actually thinking the same thing and thought that my immigration story as highlight and not the central idea. I am part of the Youth and Government program at my school which I think changed me in a positive way and has actually formed my interest in political science; my intended major. I'll rewrite this.

Thanks again, -Rowlie


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