Option #1. Evaluate a significant experience, achievement, risk you have taken, or ethical dilemma you have faced and its impact on you.
"You dirty Jew." Those words still ring in my head today. Though it was not the first time I heard such slurs, it was the last time I let myself be hurt by them. "Why am I the target?" I frequently asked myself. I never provoked him. At least I don't think I did. I questioned why he despised me, a normal and respectful teenage boy. Was it because of my religion? Was it really because I was Jewish? Frustrated by his torment, I decided to take a stand. Although I had ignored his crudity for so long, I will never forget how he affected me, particularly on the day I stood up for my religion, my identity, and myself.
Emotional distress came over me every time I saw him in our gym class. Every time I walked into the locker room, he never hesitated to lash out at me with various defamations. Brutish with a sneer on his face, he glowered at me as I stood in the shadows- as if I were an insect to be stomped on. Naturally, I was intimidated by his attitude. After months of enduring his name-calling, his insults, and his taunting, I confronted him.
What began as a typical Friday morning, transformed into a profound moment in my life. After washing my hands after an outdoor basketball game, the boy menacingly approached me. Through the mirror, I watched him trudge towards me with the cocky swagger I'd grown to dread. He stood over my shoulder and whispered with malice, "You dirty Jew." I couldn't ignore his taunts anymore. Rather, I took a step toward him, stood my ground, and responded with a powerful, "What?" with a force I didn't know I had. As I expected, he replied, "You heard me," and elbowed me rather vigorously. Although he was considerably stronger than me, I had too much self-respect to allow him to dominate my conscience. A sense of purpose consumed me, and I knew I could hold my own. I was no longer scared of the ignorance that stood before me. I was ready to fight for what I believed in. Through the murky haze that obfuscated my rage, I remembered what my religion truly stood for, and as a result, unclenched my fists.
Instead of physically fighting him back, I used my words to tell him exactly how I felt. I looked into his eyes and declared, "Look, I don't appreciate you disrespecting who I am. I've never done anything to you, and I don't deserve this." Though I expected him to retaliate, he actually listened. It was as if a different person was standing before me: he was neither offensive nor menacing. We even engaged in an open and heartfelt conversation. Speaking to him gave me newfound courage and solidified my sense of integrity. I will always remember how determination empowers me to speak my mind to any audience. I understand that strength to stand up for what I believe in is the key to ending personal animosity.
Although that boy's ignorance and naivety caused me distress, I refused to be the victim of ignorance, and to watch my dignity crumble at his hands. Even though these small words were harmful to my individuality, it has made me a better person. Now, I know my faith and strength can prevail over narrow-mindedness. Today, I am proud to say I stood up for my religion, my identity, and myself.
Please help me out and be critical!!
Please let me know what you think.
I know it needs work! Be critical!
Thanks so much,
Daniel
omg i read a book named My Name is Asher Lev. fricking good it was.
Overall great essay! It kept my attention the whole time. The only thing you need to work on is cutting down some repetitive phrases. Good luck!
Hey i extremely appreciate your criticisms..
I totally agree, the first 2 paragraphs are repetitive!
Is that the book about the Hasidic boy from Brooklyn whos somewhat isolated with artistic inclinations?!
Amazing essay! I can relate, and I feel like another reader, even if not jewish, can relate to you. I love the title and the follow through.
You fully answer the prompt, however I always love to give an extra little suggestion. Maybe relate the impact the experience had on you to how it effects you specifically in school. I know it would sound cliche if you just write that being able to overcome adversity will make you a stronger student, but you can do it subtly.
Maybe point out a specific club or program that would benefit from your ability to speak out, or a specific class that your interested in because of your run in with anti-semitism.
Hope that can help : )
The guy always used to taunt you and one day, just because you confronted him bravely with a hard-hitting line or two, he changed his entire attitude towards you. IS that what you are trying to say? The transition is not very believable. Things like "heartfelt" part don't ring true. If it did happen, describe it in detail. His exact reaction, what he must have felt at that time, what must have had made him react in such mean way before. Also, you need to reflect more upon the experience as mentioned in the post above.
Overall, you do seem to have a good command over your writing.
I think it's really, really good!
The intro paragraph was a very nice, truly attention-grabbing. I like how you expressed overcoming your adversity and becoming a better person because of that. Love your tone, as well.
Some things I would change:
I would agree with the others and say that although you're sincerity is a virtue, it is a little TOO nice. I'd work on expanding the idea a bit?
bro u think its easier being a jew or a muslim in america? focus on substance of status by act not by what u are given. you could just as easily say nigger but that would be someone else's use.
Thank you all sooo much..
I completely agree with your criticisms. The second to last paragraph was not at all believable.
I made some corrections. Tell me what you think.
Oh and wanderer_x i used a few of your words i hope you dont mind.
daniel.. It actually sounds good now(despite few problems in wording)...work on it and you ll have a fine essay.
Also make your point in the first few paragraphs more subtle...something like he tried to demean you in every way possible rather than curse you every time. You can trim down the first part a bit so that you may add some proper reflections about the event and its relevence to you on the last para.
Good Luck!
