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Common application-A topic of importance: GREED


davphan 2 / 3  
Jan 7, 2009   #1
I like to thank you in advance for any help you can provide me. Math and science has always been my strong point and my essay are usually not that great.

Choose an issue of importance to you-the issue could be personal, school related, local, political, or international in scope-and write an essay in which you explain the significance of that issue to yourself, your family, your community, or your generation.

All my life I was taught that as one of the seven, greed is considered a sin. I see it around me and within me. How one becomes self-centered, wasteful, and how one will under appreciate things. What intrigued me was that after pondering on the idea of greed is that I realized it is important to society. Greed can lead to three good qualities for society which is ambition, innovation, and cooperation.

Greed can be called a more excessive ambition, but in the end greed is ambition. It is true that ambition can go either way, but think about it. What makes the best doctor, the best lawyer, or the best engineer? The answer to that is greed. Greed does not necessary deal with money alone, but it is a desire. The desire to make, become, or contribute more becomes an incentive to strive to be the best. The best doctor may not necessary need the salary but is in it for the satisfaction. He however, is can still considered greedy for that satisfaction. Greed gives us the will, the desire to be the best and without it, there is no innovation.

Almost everyone can agree that innovation is mostly good thing. Innovations lead to more efficient and higher quality products which allow for a higher quality of life. Switching from vacuum tubes to transistors in our electronics made our computers smaller, faster, and better. The innovation and its usefulness stems from a couple of factors. The one common factor in all of them is always greed. What made Henry Ford to effectively make use of the assembly line? Ford wanted to make a lot of cars to sell to the population more efficiently. Efficiency in the business world means profit.

Greed will make us cooperate with each other. If you want to benefit from others, you have to benefit them. I notice these same things in my classes and in society. We do things the best we can for our own self-interest, or desire. In return, we can benefit from other's self-interest while they benefit from ours. Through this team effort, we all benefit. Our self-interest will make us all interdependent of each other. We rely on other's ability while they rely on ours. For example, I might really need help in English but I am great in mathematics. My friend might be the exact opposite. We will help each other out. It is not just because we are friends that help each other out. We both have our own self-interest to do well in our bad areas.

We live in a prodigal society, and this might be the reason why we as a society are greedy. Our greed can destroy things and distort our views. On the other hand, greed allows us to be ambitious, innovative, and cooperative.

shine lee 1 / 36  
Jan 7, 2009   #2
sorry? Is it a common app essay? I think it is a Toefl essay rather than a admission essay.
Greed can lead to three good qualities for society which is ambition, innovation, and cooperation.
On the other hand, greed allows us to be ambitious, innovative, and cooperative.
your essay reveals nothing about you, sorry if my comment is too harsh, but I really think that you should rewrite the essay
zowzow 10 / 175  
Jan 7, 2009   #3
Greed can lead to three good qualities for society: ambition, innovation, and cooperation.

Greed can be called a more excessive ambition,

make this more like Greed can be alternatively termed as excessive ambition

It is true that ambition can go either way, but think about it. (too informal)

Almost everyone can agree (personally, i wouldn't be too defiant in such statement. more general one could be used like I believe that innovation is usually for the greater good or something along the lines) that innovation is mostly good thing.

but i think the main problem with the essay here is that you wrote it as if this was a typical essay for high school english literature class. you did not focus at all about yourself and explain why this is of significant importance to you and i'm not all so sure about greed being in the category for an issue. But this one i could be wrong, i was thinking of "issues" more as global warming etc. just my opinion.

But overall you need to change the focus of the essay from "greed" to you - the colleges want to know about you not about greed and your views on it. "greed" should be an example, a guide towards giving your insight. add more personal thoughts/ideas/reasons in this essay.
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Jan 8, 2009   #4
All my life I was taught that greed was a grave sin -- one of the seven "deadly" sins. I see it around me and within me, as we become self-centered, wasteful, and unappreciative . What intrigued me was that after pondering on the idea of greed is that I realized it is important to society. Greed can lead to three good qualities for society:which is ambition, innovation, and cooperation.

This is great, because it has a clear thesis sentence, and you follow through and explain your reasons for this argument. The only way to iprov it would be to address some counter-arguments and refute them. Good job!!
OP davphan 2 / 3  
Jan 8, 2009   #5
Thanks for the help and opinions.


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