consulted with my father who is a leads an electrical
Leads an electrical? are u sure the reader will understand this?
international arena presented additional pressures,
not sure if presented is a good verb for pressure...how about inserted?
we had to scale down our props
what do u mean by scale? to measure the size or the weigh? u should mention which one u refer to, like " we had to scale down the size ... or we had to weigh ... "
which pushed me to stay later to rehearse the script
by stay later do u mean to stay over time? that would be "to stay late"
My past experiences in chinese
Chinese needs a capital C
we learn from and learned about one another.
try rephrasing this
maybe "as we learned from and about one another"
as seniors graduated and new juniors filled in the vacancies,
u need a comma before "as seniors graduated and ..."
as we won national finals
as we won 'the' national finals
and representing Singapore annually in Colorado, Iowa and Michigan from 2005 to 2007
This doesnt follow the last sentence, did u mean "and represented" ?
Merit Performance my achievement in Red Cross Youth Singapore
ur missing a word between 'performance' and 'my'
our creativity in interpreting the problem
"in interpreting problems" is better
More than being an odyssey the mind,
odyssey of the mind
it was a passage of self-discovery
i think using 'for' or 'to' is better than 'of'
"a passage for/to self-discovery"
This is an amazing essay, very well elaborated and i think i got the idea of what OM is. Good luck to you!