Thanks for your suggestions!
The only fault of any kind I can find is that the phrase 'disabled people's asylum' is a touch awkward. Perhaps: 'asylum for the disabled'.
You're right, it is quite awkward and I've changed it now :)
I agree RDHFinney. This is an incredibly moving short answer. A small suggestion, if there is any way to add that this wasn't a one time event. The college might like seeing that you stuck with this, even though they might be able to read that in your extra curricular section on the common app. They also like to see leadership, if there is any way to point out a specific activity or thing you initiated yourself.
Hope that helped! Check out my essays if you have time please. :)
I'd love to add the stuff you suggested but sadly, I'm all out of words (150 w limit) and I don't want to cut anything out :( I have included it in the activities section, so hopefully the adcom(s) should be able to piece it together.
Thanks for your input, I will definitely have a look at your essays!