CommonApp Essay Beginning mainly for SYRACUSE UNIVERSITY

I am applying early decision to Syracuse to the S.I. Newhouse School of Public Communications and want to major in Radio-TV-Film. Here is the beginning of my Common App Essay. I am estimating it to be about half way done so it still has a long way to go. Any comments are appreciated. Thanks!

Fear rushed over her as she shot panicked glances over her shoulder into the dimly lit hallway. Primitive instinct took over as her vision blurred and her mind clouded of all rational thought. Her legs struggled to brake as her fingers desperately reached for the elevator at the end of the hall. The elevator doors crept open with a lethargy that could only exist in a world of idle fantasy. As she stumbled into this temporary area of solace, she saw it. She saw the Bear of Wrath...

And, then we stopped recording and wrapped the first scene of "Bear the Wrath", an original sixty second horror movie trailer in which my family's stuffed teddy bear Alice played the part of a chilling villain. This however was not the first time that I had wrapped a scene. I actually became interested in film and television production five years before "Bear the Wrath" even came to mind.

I can remember coming home from a "Mrs. Quackington Show" practice in the seventh grade and thinking, "This is what I want to do." The show was a quirky combination of concepts from shows like Saturday Night Live, Food Network Star, and Dr. Phil. My friends and I rummaged through our refrigerators in search for the best ingredients for a spiced up omelet. We offered our advice on a fool-proof guide on getting through middle school by just remembering that there is always lunch. We dressed ourselves in our parents' clothes and acted as the GEICO Gecko, a faux Alex Trebek, and my original character Mango Murphy in a mock Jeopardy! game. It was then that I became fascinated by the power that I have to tell my story.

This power gave me the freedom to embed a piece of me into every sketch, character, and idea that I create. 'Mango Murphy' was not simply chosen for the alliteration, but rather for the reason that mangos remind me of my life in Costa Rica for three years where they were abundant and delicious. Mangos remind me that there is more to explore in the world outside of Northern Virginia suburbia.

Whether it be my old love of mangos or my new love of villainous bears, all of my experiences have built upon each other and are incorporated into everything that I create. As I begin to experience more of the world, the power to tell my story will become boundless.

so is the first paragraph an essay?...if it is describing you, I wouldn't do 3rd person viewpoint. I'm just a bit confused

Starting an essay with a story may or may not be a good idea because when you don't tell what the story is all about in the first two sentences then the reader may lose interest. I'm a fan of 'to-the-point' writing, ie. state what you mean as soon as possible without unnecessery drama ;)

I totally get what you're saying. Syracuse doesn't allow prospective film majors to submit a reel because the admissions team doesn't know how to discern a good video from a bad video, so I was trying to highlight my script writing skills through the essay.

But, I will try to cut it down even more and add more about my self. Thank you for your comment!