Hi, I'm Alex. I would be happy if someone would review my essay.
commonapp essay
Please write an essay (250 words minimum) on a topic of your choice or on one of the options listed below. This personal essay helps us to become acquainted with you as a person and student, apart from courses, grades, test scores, and other objective data. It will also demonstrate your ability to organize your thoughts and express yourself.
Personal Essay
"The block of granite which was an obstacle in the pathway of the weak,
becomes a stepping-stone in the pathway of the strong."
Thomas Carlyle
The journey of our life often lies through a forest of thorns, through roads blocked with colossal stones and fallen trees, through places where humans never stepped before. Nevertheless, we keep going, we are moving forward and not stepping back, we are moving, because we have a greater goal. The general goal is to reach the top of the highest mountain and stay on the pike. However, everyone has a different mountain, and different definition of success.
I was born in a country where greatest minds lived in poverty and obscurity, where your life depended on fate, as it was defined even before you were born. Time passed, I lived with my parents, studied, and pursued my dream. While I followed my dream to succeed and become someone my parents may be proud of, I slowly became blinded by it, and did not see reality. Reality was harsh. Regardless of their intelligence, people were not valued at home, they had no future. My journey then began. I looked for prospective, but saw none where I lived. Thus, when I approached crossroads on my pathway, I decided to choose path which led me into new, yet alien world full of possibilities. I faced immigration. With resolve to succeed, many more decisions were made after, and many more events were both pitiful and jubilant, but I never looked back, or felt regret because of my decision.
When the airplane touched the ground, I stepped into a world that was new to me. Thousands and thousands of people every day studied, researched, lived, but communicated in a language that was incomprehensible to me. For others, it was everyday routine, but for me, it was a challenge. The fact that my life severely depended on other people was devastating. In a short period of time, I had to learn a new language, so I would be able to attend school, study, work, and simply communicate as every other individual. Soon, I went to school, and was offered to take the English Language Learners exam to determine the level of my knowledge of English; I passed the exam with a high score. I worked hard and one measure of my success in a very short time is the fact that I am now enrolled in the Advanced Placement English class.
General success of the family mostly depends on the equal commitment of every individual in the family. When my father decided to start a company, it was a great challenge for everyone. From my father, it required command of the working process, and development of new ideas, while I helped with advertising, promoting the company, and finding clients. This experience not just changed me, it opened my eyes, and it was epiphany. It helped me to see how important responsibility and diligence are. I became responsible for many aspects of the business, I had to be a secretary, a public relations manager and consultant without mixing up my duties and responsibilities.
Although the situation seemed to normalize, a true storm awaited. At some point, I noticed some tension between my parents. From day to day, the tension grew, and eventually, last winter, it resulted in their divorce. It shook me, leaving a great scar in my heart. Two people to whom I owe my life, two people who symbolized wisdom and security to me, are not one whole being anymore. Cheering and joy suddenly started to fade away from my life. Now, I have to live with my mother. I still see my parents, but not together anymore. And secretly, I hope to see them together again.
But I cannot stop. I have to keep going in order to pursue my dream, in order to reach the top of my mountain. Today, one of the greatest goals is to become an individual of whom my parents, friends and university can be proud of. The experiences of immigration, naturalization, parental divorce, and academic trials did not destroy me. These experiences taught me responsibility and wisdom, diligence and commitment, but the chief principle is that there is nothing more important than your family. I learn and live for them, myself, and our future.
Very good personal statement. Nevertheless, 1 thing is missing, what do you want to do in your life, do you want to be a mountain climber, mechanics, economist, bankier, doctor?
You are a hardworker, a person who wants to surpass "mountains" and life's difficulties. You are saying you want to achieve success, does it mean you want get a college degree or even a master degree as proof of overcoming another mountain in your life. Be more specific, say why you want to get into the college, what you want to study (e.g mathematics because solving mathematical problems it is challenging), define the mountain you want to surpass thanks to getting into college.
Try to put this essay into the first topic of common application evaluate a significant experience, achievement you have taken. Your essay seem to me to be of the same topic.
The journey of life often takes us through forests of thorns, through roads blocked with colossal stones and fallen trees, through places where humans never stepped before.
I was born in a country where greatest minds lived in poverty and obscurity, where your life depended on fate, as it was defined even before you were born. Time passed slowly in [name of country] as I lived with my parents, studied, and pursued my dream.
Soon, I went to school and was offered the opportunity to study for the English Language Learners exam to determine the level of my knowledge of English; I passed the exam with a high score.
I can't believe you learned English as a second language! You write more eloquently than MANY native speakers of English (including me, I think!). Great job, congratulations for all your achievements.
