Everytime I go to my drawing class, gazing at the paintings on the walls, I always wonder： why those paintings have to be set in frames？ To be labeled as great works? To be protected? What I do know is that when the gilted frames reflect into my eyes, I see gorgeous cages. I can hear the colors calling for spreading their beauty into everyone's life. I can feel their unrested souls trying to escape from eternity and showing their exuberance right now. Then I think about myself, recalling the experience of how I broke out of the frame.
Talking about childhood, my friends always came up with funny stories, such as using up a bottle of ketchup to paint the wall. But when it was my turn, I was stuck, wandering in my memories in silence. Later, I asked my mom about my little tricks. " Nothing, dear. You were always well behaved, followed the rules, and did what had been told", my mom said softly. Nothing? Nothing silly but funny? I would rather believe that a monster had swallowed the memory of my childhood from Mom and me.
Admittedly, I was born a rule-keeper. I traced the road others set for me, playing piano, learning calligraphy, solving extra math problems, in order to get labeled "good girl". At the time I went to high school, I made the top 10 of my class every year, because I was told as a student I should work hard. But when I looked back, I saw a helpless girl trying to flatter people around her so hard that she never figured out what made her special. I saw a figure locked on the stage like marionettes，performing other's scripts without any improvising or emotion.
Is this the kind of life I want to have? I decided to try another way to live. So I acted like a bad girl, sleeping in classes, arguing with others, reading novels, watching movies instead of doing my homework. I thought it would make me different, and endow me excitement. But I was wrong. One day, after watching "Death Poets Society", I ran out of the building like a mad person. I went down stairs from the fourth floor, passed through the crowds,and started running on the track. I saw the real deed of originality and creativity from that movie. Being oneself does not mean acting uniquely. It is not about formalization but about the state of mind. What constrained me till now are nether rules nor other people's expectations, but my fear to step out of the familiar and open up the unknown world.
Suddenly, I have a craving for change. I am eager to break all the frames that chained me for years, and the first step I have just took is deciding to study in the U.S. for the next 5 years.For the first time in my life, I am not the good girl in my mom's mouth, nor the brilliant classmate in my peers eyes, but the one who opens her heart and let her dreams flying in the sky. I could hear the call from Steve Jobs, "Your time is limited, so don't waste it living someone else's life". People tend to strive for acceptance, however, if I cannot accept myself, what's the point to gain others' applause? I am eager to learn more knowledge in both science and art, but the most important part for me is to create knowledge with my own methods.
People tend to follow the majority, the main stream. They do so because imitation is much easier than originality. But I, the girl following the "right" track for more than a decade, cannot be satisfied with simply obeying the rules now. Pondering on my life more critically, I finally understand the line from "Death Poets Society"- "You don't have to perform. Just make it yourself". No one is perfect, and ironically the beauty of each individual is one's imperfectness. Life is like a one way ticket, I should challenge myself and try whatever I am curious about right now. If I wait to get another chance, I will definitely miss it forever.
I am eager to attain knowledge in both art and science. However, most importantly, I want to create knowledge with my own methods. (I edited it but it still sounds a little awkward. That could be just me though)
If I wait to get another chance, I will definitely miss it forever. What is 'it' here? It sounds awkward.
It is not plain at all :)
Mind helping with mine?