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A letter to me--Commonapp main essay


summergo 1 / 10  
Oct 29, 2010   #1
Dear Xiaomeng(2011.3.30-...),
Get ready! No more than a few minutes will you pass through the gate of Customs House toward adulthood and blend into the crowds of the bustling Waiting Area, leaving me behind. And as soon as your plane arrives and the broadcast asks you to board, you'll have to move on immediately whether you are well-prepared or not. So before you start the crazy journey behind that gate, do check your luggage to guarantee that you are bringing the three must-have travelling equipments I had been putting in your luggage for the last eighteen years.

The first thing that meets your eyes should be a picture of you and your intern teacher: Miss.Sun. It was taken on the day she leaved us after 2months of internship. You made her a farewell ceremony, a warm and uniquely designed one. We folded two paper hearts as gifts, upon which were full of signatures and wishes from all class 11ers. And when she stood on the dais, seeing two giant hearts flowing to her as students passed the hearts by hands, and hearing our sincere voice singing: "I wish you a happy voyage" in the tune of the birthday song, she couldn't help weeping her emotion out. And we were shocked. It was at that very moment you realized how some sweet ideas about a single farewell ceremony could be so powerful as to affect an individual this much. Maybe this single ceremony would strengthen Miss. Sun's aspiration to be a teacher, and maybe these two hearts would give her so much strength and encouragement that she would begin her career life with full confidence and hopes. Please take this picture to remind you the power of ideas. I know you are never deprived of good ideas, like adding the use of mirrors and shadows in your drama production, or directing Kungfu in a choral competition. But the more worthy ones are those that can affect people around you in a good way, or even bigger, the world. Change the world, one idea at a time!

Meeting the second gift, I can imagine you exclaim: the Xiaomu Pie(孝母饼)! (in English: the pie showing filial respect for mothers) Miss it so much, right! How we love it when we savored it within the Wuyi Mountains in Fujian Province, nearly one year ago. The Xiaomu Pie was invented by the great philosophy, Zhuzi, who lived among those green hills and zigzag waters of Wuyi. Whenever he leaved his home to study, he would first make some Xiaomu Pies for his mother to alleviating the pains that brought to his mother by worries toward him. So as you step forward to begin a new phase of journey, take the pie, and bear in mind that the ones who care about you are back home worrying you. Moreover, as long as the pie is with you, they are with you. "Use their strength, and never let them down.", imprinted on the pie.

Don't try to rummage for the last gift. It's in the most portable form, a word, actually: BELIEF. Don't belittle this word. It can be transformed into every possible power. Believing that your heart is strong enough to face the troubles on the road, you get mature confidence; believing that the road you choose for yourself will ultimately lead you to a vibrant journey, you get optimism; Believing that the final results are not for you to decide, but for you to create, you get the undeniable value of endeavor. Even if you are going on an unpredictable journey and 18 years record of achievements will be reset to zero, keep believing in yourself.

Now, it's time to move on. Just follow my direction: You walk straight to the gate, no blinking in the eye, no shake in the body, just press your entire palms on the gate, and push, leaving me behind the customs. Don't miss me, and don't look back!

Yours, Xiaomeng(1993.3.30-2011.3.30)
jessiejiangsiqi 1 / 6  
Oct 29, 2010   #2
the way you write this essay is really creative, few people try to write a letter to themselves.
But it is a bit confusing when you write your first gift. if you are writing to yourself, then I think you shouldn't use "we". change it to "you" may be better.

I like the beginning~very interesting and creative
good luck! :)
makeitwork2 1 / 2  
Oct 31, 2010   #3
Yeah i agree with jessiejiangsiqi about the use of "we" --> make sure you stick to the same way of addressing yourself.

Very creative, and I like how you incorporated your own culture into it. Good luck!!
Ps. if you get a chance to read my revised essay that would be really helpful - thank you
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,321 129  
Nov 6, 2010   #4
...bringing the three must-have travelling items equipments I had have been putting in your luggage for the last eighteen years.
I am intrigued at the beginning of this essay!!

I think that long paragraph should be divided into 2 paragraphs.

I like this sentence a lot:

Change the world, one idea at a time!

...the great philosopher , Zhuzi, who lived among ...

...to alleviating alleviate the pains pain that brought to his mother by worries toward pertaining to him.

I'll add a dash here:
It's in the most portable form -- a word, actually: BELIEF.
This is one of my favorite essays ever! Very good stuff, enjoyable to read.
holmescallas 3 / 12  
Nov 6, 2010   #5
very creative, but you want make sure your reader fully understands you, there are some parts that are a littl confusing to. You know who you are, but we don't. If you can write it in a way that makes us think we are "you" then It will be fantastic


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