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commonapp essay: the park has become my personal therapist


odangletsbang 1 / 2  
Dec 28, 2008   #1
Hi!

I'm not quite sure how to edit my commonapp essay and I really need help. I don't mind getting harsh criticism. :]

Never would I have imagined that the park would become my personal therapist. Ever since I was a kid, I was ecstatic about going to the park. I would pester my grandmother to take me until she finally gave in. The first place I'd always run to was the jungle gym. Even now, I still enjoy going to the park. However, my portrayal of the park has matured since I've grown older as well. Aside from keeping in touch with my childhood, the park has reminded me of who I was and allowed me to stay focused in life.

When my grandmother passed away a few years ago, I had a hard time accepting that she was gone. To lose someone who's been there for me and probably knew me better than my own parents was much too hard for me to grasp. In front of my parents, I would fake a facade, but deep down, it was truly killing me inside. Everyday, I was drowning in misery and each night, I'd cry myself to sleep. Even my grades began to drop and I couldn't concentrate on my studies. My friends told it'd be easier to let go once I faced the truth. But they didn't understand how I felt; no one did.

When the wounds began to heal, I went to the park to reminisce of the days I spent with my grandmother. As I sat inside the jungle gym, all the memories of my grandmother flew at me. I was nostalgic about going up and sliding down the jungle gym and remembered how my grandmother used to tell me philosophical views that I never seemed to understand. One thing she told me was to keep going, don't look back, and stay focused. I knew it was time to finally let go. I now truly understand her views and I know that my grandmother would have wanted me to stop dwelling in the past and look towards a better future.

Going to the park allowed me to come to my senses. When everything seemed like a mess, the park acted as a therapist and helped me stay focused on my main goals. Even now, I'd occasionally go to loosen up and to set my priorities straight, especially since its college application season. In times like these, the daily issues clutter up my mind and I start to loose focus. But one thing for sure, I want to continue to do well in high school and get myself into a great college. The park helped me get through the emotional rollercoaster and allowed me to become who I ultimately want to be. Like at the jungle gym, when I find myself sliding down, I get right back up and climb my way back to the top.

Please feel free to give me any advice. Thanks alot!

OP odangletsbang 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2008   #2
thanks! Should I include more about myself? Like how the incident changed me and stuff? Or is it fine the way it is?
EF_Kevin 8 / 13,335 129  
Dec 29, 2008   #3
I would change this sentence:

They didn't understand how I felt, though. No one did.

Wow, the title, the content, the theme.. it is all perfect. You will only need to modify it to accommodate the promts for each school's essay. Wow, I am impressed with the story. You are a deep thinker, so keep improving your writing. That way, through your eloquence, you can benefit others with your insight. About adding more about how this changed you... if you come up with good material, include it, but like it this way. Try this ending:

On the jungle gyms of life , when I find myself sliding down, I get right back up and climb my way back to the top.
OP odangletsbang 1 / 2  
Dec 29, 2008   #4
Thanks a bunch guys :] I hope it's really as good as you say it is. I wasn't too convinced before but now I'm a it more confident. Again, thanks sooo much! =D


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