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Communication and Learning - What is important to you? And why?

Pypip 1 / -  
Oct 26, 2020   #1

Communication and Learning

Communication is the most pivotal aspect of my life. Growing up, my family has never openly talked about mental health. As a result, I have struggled with connecting to others because of anxiety and social pressure. However, seeing my parents being affected by transgenerational trauma, I quickly learned to talk about sensitive experiences with my parents and my friends. In a way, I actively tried (and try) to surround myself with individuals who have a variety of opinions and unique perspectives. Through hearing more viewpoints and experiences, I have more ways to overcome challenges and a deeper understanding of my own personal beliefs. To be able to process and assess my own feelings, through talking to others, has led me to being more confident and compassionate.

Additionally, learning how to communicate effectively has enabled me to achieve my goals more easily. For instance, my ability to communicate fluidly lead me to being a more persuasive sales employee at an optical store. A substantial part of my duties involved interacting with customers. Therefore, I had to be actively listening and understanding of their needs. Overtime, I have become a more profound communicator, yet I continue to work on my skills to achieve growth.

Holt [Contributor] - / 9,735 3072  
Oct 26, 2020   #2
You are confusing this statement by having 2 responses in one essay. Either communication is important to you or, mental health is important to you. Which is it? The way I read this essay, it appears that mental health is the major focus of the discussion. So you should change the opening sentence to mental health instead. That way, the whole discussion makes more sense. The second part, that focuses on communication is not as impressive nor well developed as the mental health discussion. It would be better if you concentrate on the mental health aspect instead. It is better if you write only 126 relevant discussion words instead of 206 under developed words.

The essay is actually good when it focuses on mental health. The focus on communication seems irrelevant in the presentation. Almost as if you forgot that you mentioned it before and just tried to make up for the mention with a slight reference to it. That doesn't make the statement stronger. It would be better to just remove it in this case.
L1ght1107 1 / 2  
Oct 26, 2020   #3

Hello, I wanna ask if this question can only describe one thing or multiple things?

Thanks for answering.

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