Everyone belongs to many different communities and/or groups defined by (among other things) shared geography, religion, ethnicity, income, cuisine, interest, race, ideology, or intellectual heritage. Choose one of the communities to which you belong, and describe that community and your place within it. (Approximately 250 words)
"A supplement essay for UMich. Need help of natives. Thanks a loooooooooot!"
I belong to a community in which Chinese youths with multi-culture background are striving for broader communication and extensive collaborations between China and world. People in this community grow up in a multi-cultural environment. For instance, it is common for us to discuss over topics with international students and get to know about different places on the planet through contact with them. Besides, numbers of Chinese students participate in the Model United Nations and other international activities every year, promoting communications with other cultures. In addition, people in this community keep themselves updated with the fast changing world. We talk about hits on billboard after class; follow the current progress of U.S. presidential election and pay attention to modern science and technology developments. Except for those who live in homeland, there are also lots of overseas students propagating Chinese culture and absorbing foreign knowledge. Consequently, a great number of Chinese students with combined ideology of both traditional eastern and modern western are making great efforts to help China's internationalization and modernization.
But in my university, there are classmates who are from remote areas and don't have much access to the outer world so I decided to help them develop the habit to learn about the western world. Therefore I would describe my place as a propagator of the special ideology of the community. I recommend first class English movies and books to them and exchange opinions of international topics such as the policy of health care in USA with them. Furthermore, I joined an organization aiming at promoting international communication to spread the ideology of my community. Little as I do, I still can make a difference.
Typo: I belong to a community in which Chinese youths with "A"culture background (note, this sentence was missing the letter A"
Typo:extensive collaboration"S" between China and world. *note, take out the "s" in collaboration.
I see a lot of typos throughout the whole essay. You should revise it to look over grammar. However, your ideas are good. You should emphasize your strengths, not your weaknesses. In the last sentence, don't say "little as I do" I still make a difference. You could say something like: "I've found fun and interesting ways to help educate my peers on the Western world".
Good job, and try to revise with the mentality towards your achievements, not what other people are doing. This is a limited space to talk about yourself, so use it wisely.
Good luck!
brilliant advise
wish you merry Christmas ~
For instance, it is common for us to discuss over topics with international students and get to know about different places on the planet through contact with them.--- This is a good sentence, but you do not need to use "over" with the word "discuss."
... the current progress of U.S. presidential election politics, and pay attention to ...----I changed it, because there is no current election. There is no presidential race until 2012.
Awesome!! You are so impressive. I think you are going to do very well and improve the world. :-)
