After high school my intentions were to work and try out community college. My parents were hesitant on sending me away to a university, because my lack of effort I always had with school. Of course I wanted to go away to school like the rest of my friends were, but I had greater dreams than goals.
As a child, my experience throughout school was not an easy ride. I can remember back to my early elementary school days, where comprehending anything that I read was not my only challenge. I loved to stare out the window. There was so much going on out there that I always wanted to be apart of. The worst part was that my lack of focus took away my confidence and motivation to strive to be a better student. My lack of concentration had shown in my test scores and grades, that's when my mom hired former teachers to tutor me at the house for extra help. Throughout the rest of my elementary school experience my grades got better, but there was always my focus struggle.
In junior high, I still had my struggles and would obtain the additional help I needed to get me through the courses for my school years. I had a remarkable 8th grade math teacher and I had straight A's the entire year, until the next year when my grades changed drastically. My math class teacher for the beginning of the year was a student teacher and my teacher would observe. Unfortunately, near the middle of the year my real teacher was diagnosed with cancer and was out the rest of the year. We had a different sub each day, with nothing to learn and no one capable of teaching something worthy to the classes. I know this did not only affect me, but I know I probably could have searched for a lot more extra help. I just could not wait to get to high school and move on with my life, I was about to be sixteen and start driving a car. Life was becoming real at this point.
When I finally made it to high school, in every class all the teachers would refer anything to college. Who ever thought that day would come when my friends and I needed to figure out what we were doing after high school. As soon as I could be employed I worked in retail as much as I could because I loved the money. Throughout the rest of high school I had my rebellious stages and did not care much about my academics, again other things seemed more important like making money and my friends. I would not change anything about my rebellious days in high school; I learned a lot from my mistakes and grew from them. I feel as if I got it out of my system sooner than later, before I was away at college and had spent so much money for nothing but to socialize. At the second semester of senior year, my teachers and my mom had an intervention with me. If I wanted to even graduate I had to really get myself in gear. That got me to get almost straight A's for the rest of senior year. I was also still able to obtain a retail job and keep my grades up.
Thinking back on it now, it upsets me that I missed the experiences all of my friends went through with their going away to college experiences. It took me some time to give in and actually set everything up for community college, but I was excited for the fresh journey to begin. Before I started college I finally went to some doctors and was diagnosed with Attention Deficit Disorder. I had to be taught new and enhanced ways for my study habits because the problems I was having throughout my grade school experience. I ultimately love reading and doing schoolwork because I know I can get and maintain good grades with focus and hard work. Comprehending still takes some time for me, but with my own patience and learning; I can put out what I set to achieve.
Being at a community college had its ups and downs. All of my friends lived on their own away at school, as I lived at home going to school and working almost everyday at what ever job I had at the time. The ups of community college are that you save a lot of money when you are someone similar to me and are unsure of what and why you are going to school. The downside of community college to me is that you do not get the full college experience with meeting new friends and walking around a big campus. I took a lot of psychology and all different creative art classes to see what really interested me. I was truly stuck with what I wanted to do in the future. Throughout college I was working retail and Nannying everyday like I still am and I realize I do not want to be a store manager or a nanny for life. I made the best of my time at community college; I learned a lot, maintained great grades on deans list and had good teachers.
After I finished at my community college I took a year off to work and figure out exactly which school I wanted to go too, and what degree I wanted to finish with. I spent months of reading Temples degree programs when I found Adult & Organizational Development. The AOD degree program seemed to fit me with being able to minor in something else as well too. The description also answered my questions I had of what and why I wanted to learn in college and how I could take my degree and make it broader for me entering in the real work force. When I finally sat down and talked about the degree with a Temple advisor, she told me I was well on track with my education and future goals. I have worked from Macy's to home depot, to with kids, doctor's offices, retail and more retail. I am a hard working, creative free spirited girl and am up for any opportunities that come my way. I am still nannying every morning and working at Bloomingdales doing merchandising and logistics. I love working with customers but being more hands on with the merchandise and learning more about the essence of the company is much more interesting to me then selling overly priced clothing. I feel very experienced and mature at a young age with all of the different places I have been employed. I have learned so much and beyond the business/clientele world along with the layers of diversity and how much of an impact it has on our world. Taking time off from my education has made me realize I cannot go unfinished to further pursue my dreams and I am ready to accomplish my goals.
The main issues here are grammar and punctuation. However, there is much rambling that can be significantly reduced in a way that conveys the same message without taking the long way around the topic!
I assume there is a length requirement for this essay. Based on the content you've posted here, at least one-third will be eliminated when edited. Of course, I am sure you already knew that. I have read the full essay and commend you on your continued achievements. I have experience with educating children with ADD and I know that it is an ongoing struggle. You should be proud!
Below is my recommended edits for the first two paragraphs:
After high school, I intended to work and enroll in a community college. My efforts in high school weren't outstanding and for this reason my parents were hesitant to send me to a university. I wanted to go away to school like the rest of my friends, but I was focused more on dreams than goals.
My academic experiences have not always been easy. Since elementary school, I have experienced challenges with reading comprehension. I spent more time staring out the window, dreaming about things I wanted to be a part of, than on being a progressive student. Even worse is that my lack of focus hindered my confidence and I lost all motivation to be a better student. My lack of concentration was apparent in my test scores and grades. My mother hired former teachers to tutor me at home. The extra help was successful and my grades improved; however, I continued to struggle to retain focus.
Also, a few more tips:
- Unless it is included in a formal title, etc. spell out the word "and" instead of using "&"
- Be careful to capitalize proper names/titles (e.g. Home Depot)
- Free spirited should be free-spirited
